Surprise! Or, one New Years Resolution down...........

How do you react when something surprises you?  When you are caught off guard?  This picture is  pretty typical of my reaction to surprises before I started CrossFit.  Unprepared for the unknown and unknowable-and awkwardly so.

But that was then and this is now.

And here is the deal.  I think about you.  All the time.  I wonder how your lifts went when I know you went to the WOD.  Did you PR?  Was your row faster this time?  Was it slower?  Did you get your first pull-up?  I worry when you are sick. Is your injury better?   How was your day?  I wonder these things.  Am I like a stalker?  Will I be standing in your driveway with a boombox over my head like John Cusack in "Say Anything", playing the songs we hear during our WODs?  No.  Would I lunge in your driveway with a boombox overhead till you came out and told me about your WOD?  Hmmmmm.....tempting, but I guess not.

But, still.

I reached a point where it became overwhelming.  I care so much for my fellow SoMO athletes.  I just wanted to do more for you.  And myself.  As much as I love you guys, I just simply adore me :)  And, I wanted to learn more and immerse myself more into life at the Box.  Imagine my surprise the day I realized that I couldn't be content just going to class.  It was pretty unsettling.   So, about 5 months ago, I registered and started the process of studying for my Level 1 Cert. 

Why didn't I tell you?  Me.  A poster child for TMI.  Odd?  Yes.  Why?  Well, for several reasons.

One was that I was afraid of failure and I didn't want to let anyone down.  The weight that I would feel if I allowed myself to fail after 2 years of CF would have been enough to bear.  And, I feel like you deserve my best. 

Second was I'm not very confident unless I'm the best at something.  I bet you have beaten me at a WOD.  You may beat me tomorrow.   I'm not a girl with my name covering the white board.  Sure, I'm up there.  BUT, I don't dominate it by any means.

Third, I don't epitomise all the physical attributes of the typical female CrossFitter.  I struggle with my diet.  I'm not lithe and lean.  I'm, uh, 'curvy'.  :) 

Also, I look "crazy" when I am focused and/or scared.  People who don't know me might casually look for the nearest exit.

But here are my assets.

I'm afraid of failure, so I won't allow myself to let you down.

I'm not the best at everything, but I'm damn good at knowing why.  I have a quick eye and can see faults and I like to help people.  I've spent the last 2 years being trained by Rodney, having 1 on 1 sessions once a week.  I've had the privilege of living with and having Chase be my trainer for 6 months, as well as Mattie and Leslie.  I spent my Cert being coached by amazing athletes including  Matt Chan, who placed 8th in the 2009 Games and was a top finisher in the 2010 Games, as well.  He is amazing!  I feel BEYOND lucky that an athlete of that calliber was at my Certification.  It was like a beginner football coach getting pointers from Brett Farve-except this is the least creepy guy in the world and you feel comfortable friending him on Facebook.

I DON'T epitomise the body of a typical trainer.  Am I working towards a healthier weight?  Yes.  I spent the last 5 months studying Zone and Paleo.  I've been instructed by CF HQ on how I can help you AND me on the road to a healthier lifestyle.  And I'm ready to implement that in my life.   I understand your struggles.  I do. I wrestle with it too and together we are going to make this happen.  I WANT to help you.  I get it.

I look 'crazy' when I am intent on something and have a potty mouth.  Well, that's just me.   If that makes you try harder to perfect your form or run faster to get the hell away from your crazy trainer then OK.  So be it.  Short of wearing a mask and a gag, I am who I am.

Did it feel awkward taking this big step and not telling you?  Yes.  Very much.

Do I care about you?   Yes.  Very much. 

Do I know if I will be a good trainer?  I hope so.  And I'm prepared to deal with the unknown and unknowable. 

And together we will train to not suck at life.

I hope this answers your questions.

3-2-1-Go!

Nicole