Friday, December 30, 2011

CrossFit Confession Week or Dear Martha...




Christmas is over and we are a day from 2012.  It's been a busy month or 2, so I am finding myself  multitasking.  I have had many people talk to me about nutrition this week, or what seems to be their lack of good nutritional habits. Mine have also been pretty craptacular.  I wanted to address your food confessions as well as write in my blog.  I also wanted to answer an email.  This is all three.


Dear Martha,

So, you asked about nutritional counseling and what angles or resources I use.  This is a hot topic for all of us trainers but especially this week.  Advertisers, family traditions, pushy-ass relatives and seemingly every entity in North America have spent the last 6 weeks telling us to shove food in our pie holes.  Now, in what always feels like a effing conspiracy, every magazine, television show, pushy-ass relative and some of our favorite pants will tell us that we've gained weight and need to lose it.  November and December punch us in the throat and January buys us flowers and swears it will never happen again.  Truly, my ass fat has deja vu.  This is why I wear Lululemon-it stretches.  I also think that this is why people confess their food sins to me.  I don't judge.  I'd be a hypocrite if I did.  And, I will try to help them find a solution.  Or, at least see the light at the end of the footlong.

I wish that CrossFit still had a Nutritional Cert.  Although, I'm not sure what I could be taught in a weekend that a lifetime of fucking up hasn't taught me.  I have been on every conceivable diet plan and pill.  I have gained and lost more weight than I can deadlift on my very best day.  I can't find countries on a map but I CAN tell you the fat, calories, carbs and protein in most foods.  Why I can retain this knowledge and can't find England on the globe (no shit) is beyond me.

When we have nutritional challenges, the combo of Paleo food in Zone portions reigns supreme.  For performance, for blood work, for weight loss-this is the shit.  But that shit seems to start to stink after 45 or so days for the average CrossFitter.  They just can't stay with it.  And, as you well know, the average CrossFitter is our bread and butter.  Maybe I shouldn't have used 'bread and butter'.  Well, you know what I mean.  Their heads seem to go to that all or nothing mindset.  "I ate cheese, so the rest of the day is shot."  "They had cake at work, so I'll get back on it Monday."  This is like getting a flat tire and saying "Well, that's that" and slashing the other three tires-wouldn't make a lot of sense, huh?  BUT, we all do it on some level.

Your state of mind keeps you motivated and disciplined.  It also demotivates you.  This is usually what sets athletes apart in the Box.  Whether it is your weight, your mobility, form, your progression in your skills or working towards improving your capacity to lift more.  The state of mind is key.  If I could help people get there and stay there permanently, I'd be a billionaire.  Some people are just supremely focused.  In the zone, if you will excuse the pun.  Some have too much shit going on and it is a miracle that they even can make time to zip their pants, let alone WOD.  A lot of Boxes are a 75%/15%/10%, in my opinion.  75% of the athletes could probably kick the average person's ass athletically and need quarterly food talks and the other 15% are the resident Firebreathers. They are dialed in and on a program but need help tweaking as they progress.   And, maybe 3% of that 15% could have a real chance of placing in the upper tiers of the Open.  They're fine and could teach a Whole 9 workshop.   10% are there occasionally because they cherry pick the WODs they want to do but keep up their memberships because "CrossFit is edgy and the popular thing to do right now."  They ask everything question about food that you can imagine and implement nothing.  That is my opinion.  It won't make me popular.  We can teach all the nutritional plans they offer, but it is still up to the athlete to focus their mind and STAY focused. 

Here is what I have noticed these last few weeks.  Everyone that has been eating big and crappy and still doing their WODs and training are gaining some muscle mass, a little back/belly fat and are sucking wind at metcons.  I'd hate to time anyone's mile, mine included, right now.  My sweat probably smells like pie and merlot.  They are also kicking ass on strength days.  Huh?  I feel like my athletes need to be eating bigger AND clean.  I like paleo and Zone a lot, but I can't argue with what all this dairy and eating big seems to be doing for my peeps.  Some of the girls quads and the guys chests are exploding.  Me likey.  This is a link to a blog I reference a lot:

http://www.liftbigeatbig.com/

I feel obligated to teach Paleo and Zone.   One, because it works and two, because that is what I learned at my Cert.  Otherwise, I may as well be pulling information out of my ass.  I have a framed piece of paper that says I know Zone, at least. 

When I teach Zone, I have my athletes reference the good ole CrossFit Journal article in Issue 21 titled Zone Meal Plans.  It is still the best reference guide to the Zone out there and I am tired of buying that fucking book, as no one returns it.

http://journal.crossfit.com/2004/05/zone-meal-plans-crossfit-journ.tpl

When I teach the Paleo diet, I usually copy pages 104-112 from The Paleo Diet by Loren Cordain.  Another book I don't wish to keep buying, although it is great!  I also like The Paleo Diet for Athletes.  Oh, on the Cordain book, that's the food list pages.  Then, I ask people to hit the Internet and research more, if needed.  I LOVE  this is paleo recipe site:

http://www.cavemancooking.tv/

The recipes are tasty and the chefs are pretty to look at-win/win.

And this one, in general: 

http://www.thefoodee.com/

But, none of this means squat if you aren't sleeping at least 7-8 hours a night.  Your brain will actually produce appetite stimulants, if you are not well rested.  Then, all of the "eat when you're hungry" advice that I give is basically null and void because their body is chemically telling them that they are hungry, not physically.  And, there is no way to tell the difference.

I also ask them what they can do to cut stress.  Stress and lack of adequate sleep can effect cortisol and glucose levels and all that other stuff.  Then, we are even more likely to be hungry....for crap.  I've never asked an athlete to read The Cortisol Connection.  I probably should, though.  I keep that one on my Kindle.  It just seems easier to say "Sleep, damnit.  Get lots of it and let the laundry sit an extra day if it means you can go for a relaxing walk with your kids after dinner.  Then, make the kids do the laundry.  Chores are good."

http://www.amazon.com/Cortisol-Connection-Stress-Makes-Health/dp/089793492X/ref=dp_ob_title_bk


Then, I try like hell to get them off the soda.  When they ask why, I say "Because it's fucking disgusting."  I have no scientific answer for that one.  I don't need one.  I refuse to research it.  That is my answer.  It is common sense.  This is not the '50's.  Don't smoke.  Don't drink soda.  Period.  I'm a little biased on this one because I've never had a soda.  I guess I had a sip once when I was a toddler and didn't like the carbonation.  I must have thrown a pretty big fit because no one poured me one again. When it was being served, they just said "You don't like that."  So, I was the kid with water at the birthday parties.   I'm 40 now and I still won't drink it.  And thank goodness, because my struggle with food and willpower sucks enough.

Most importantly, I let them know that we are not a cult.  You don't HAVE to eat Zone or paleo.  We haven't found anything else that works better for the CrossFitter, but for a lot of athletes, this is just what they do to exercise and socialize.  THAT IS IT AND THAT IS FINE.  Just try to eat as clean as possible.  That is a good rule of thumb for anyone.  Truly, on day 31 of a challenge, people seem to bow to the Krispy Kreme gods.  I want people to try to aim towards a lifestyle change that is permanent and reasonable for them.  If you eat fast food sometimes and sometimes we do, use the smart phone and access the nutritional information.  Ask for substitutions at restaurants.  I'd rather be "That bitch who doesn't want dressing on her salad" than "That fat bitch who doesn't want dressing on her salad."  The folks at Red Lobster will get over it.   Buy organic.  Shop fresh and locally.  Look for hormone free foods.  If you eat boxed or processed foods, and let's face it, a lot of our clients do, go to sites like http://www.hungry-girl.com/ and find the better choices of bread, snacks for your family etc.   Breakfast cereal is freaking delicious and if it is relatively good for you then it makes a nice break from eating eggs, fruit and oatmeal.  I only ask that they put in the same amount of effort researching what they may put INTO their bodies that they would put into finding a cute pair of boots online.  Or trolling for porn.  You know, whichever.  This nutritional stuff is not black and white.  There is a lot of grey area.  If we were that strict, we would sound like a cult and people would be scared of us.  I want my athletes to know right from wrong but still feel free to admit their faults.  Plus, they always teach me a thing or two.  Especially since I'm open to learn from them, as well.

Lastly, I encourage them to talk to each other incessantly about this topic.  I don't know everything and my athletes are a constant wealth of new information.  It is like having your own personal Wellness Squad.  Don't bore your friends and coworkers about what is the best post wod snack-another thing I push constantly-and Zone blocks.  I'll bet my Converse collection that they don't care that Zone bars are not balanced into perfect blocks.  Save it for the Box.  They already think you're crazy to do ANYTHING that tears the skin off of your hands.  The other athletes are the best resource they have on this subject.  That and the Internet.

My husband and myself are Trainers and he is co-owner of our Affiliate.  An 80/20 Zone or Paleo plan (80% strict, 20% whatever) is reasonable for us because CrossFit is our lifestyle and our profession.  It may not work for all of our athletes and their lifestyles.  I'll be frank, my situation is ideal and I struggle with the nutritional side daily.  My willpower is 60/40.  On the positive side, I'm pretty honest about it and it has made me approachable for people who are self conscious about their struggle with food.  I just try to let them know that we can do this together and I really want to help them succeed.  I have helped guide others down a better path and helping them has helped me.  And I know that they can really tell that I mean it.

Martha, I hope this answers your questions and I hope that you have an amazing 2012!  On a funny note, I just hit the spell check and I misspelled the word nutritional throughout this entire email!!!


Best wishes for a Happy New Year!

Nicole

p.s.  Since this is also my blog, I am posting an instructional running video that I received from one of my athletes.  I hope you don't mind.  Thanks!















Sunday, December 18, 2011

Happier Holidays!!




I remember a few years ago when I was talking to a Crossfitter from another State.  Being friends on Facebook but not really knowing her, I told her how I admired her strength, her seemingly effortless balancing of home, CrossFitting, nutrition and parenting.  I admired her updates about her perfect family, body, meals and the Christmas pictures.  The fucking Christmas pictures.  The perfect tree, the spotless kitchen while she is making cookies with her toddler-I mean really.  How the fuck do you do that?  The perfect shots of licking the spoon and sharing one cookie.  One.  Again, how the fuck?  Perfect hair, clothes, home blah blah blah.  I could go on, but we all know these people.  I'm sure you get a Christmas letter from someone like this.  The kind of letter that makes you feel fat, unorganized and functionally illiterate.   I told her this in February.  And she told me "Isn't that what CrossFit is all about?  Learning to balance everything and be better at life?"  I literally felt myself getting weaker and uglier as she said this.  I took a big drink from my sugary Starbucks drink and said "Yeah!  Pr in life, sure..."  Then, I probably tied my sweatshirt around my waist so my ass would look smaller as I walked away.   A week later, she let it slip that she hadn't taken down her "beautiful live Christmas tree" she purchased so she could replant it with her child and make us all feel like earth rapers.  She also never watered it and it was dead.  Needles were everywhere and the City wouldn't pick it up.  Tree still up?  In February?  Like a crackhead.


 If we are friends on Facebook and you are trying to figure out if this is you, first of all, screw you for being the kind of woman we all want to roundhouse kick in the forehead and second, she de-friended me and moved to Twitter forever ago.  Sorry. 
There is something to be said for perfection and the social media.  We are as perfect or imperfect as we present ourselves to others.  As far as you know, I wake up in my bacon house, put on my Lulu and drive my bacon car to the Box, crush my deadlift and rowing WOD, drink a Progenex, have more bacon, teach a few classes, go through all the witty shit that people email and message me and re-post the funnier stuff, make a gourmet Zone meal for my family and get 8 hours of sleep.  If you are not on the Daily Nicole Wagon, this is all you know. 

I'm regarded in my family as organized.  This is not true.  I just appear to have my shit together.  I do have the best of intentions.

With my Holiday baking...
My intentions.

My results.

With Holiday lighting...
My plan.


My Christmas lights.

This is really my garage floor.  It is also an actual picture of my clusterfuck of Christmas lights.
I will end up cramming it all back in the Rubbermaid container so it can give me the finger again next year.

I forget to move the Elf on the Shelf.  Then lie about it to my child.  "You must be sleepy!  He was over there yesterday."

I buy gift cards because there is part of me that believes that money really can buy some degree of happiness.

I wrap up pictures of gifts I purchase last minute because they will never arrive in time.  Who doesn't love an envelope on Christmas morning?

Santa doesn't wrap gifts at my house and never has wrapped gifts.  Why?  Because on the normal morning, I wake up 30 minutes before everyone else so I can rid the world of the horrid bitch that crawls out from beneath the covers.  I don't have that luxury at the crack of Christmas dawn.  So, instead of helping unwrap toys, I can sit on the couch and let the caffeine do its magic while saying such phrases as "Wow!"  and "You must have been very good this year." By the time I feel awake and normal, we can start unwrapping gifts as a family.

This is what MY kitchen looks like when I cook:


And, I sure don't look this happy:

"OMG, cooking is SOOOOO fun!"

I waste time searching for pictures like this instead of wrapping presents.


or this one:

Hey, it's a Light Bright!

Yet, it all seems to work out every year.  My daughter and husband feel loved and happy.  It's not about the gifts, the food or the Elf.  We look forward to our traditions and decorations,  It's all good.  Every year.

Merry Christmas, my sweet readers.  Post some of your Christmas fails for me to see.  It helps us all feel human. 

Oh, I didn't get a chance to do Christmas cards this year.  I hope one of these will fill the void where mine should have gone.  Happy Holidays!!!




Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Real CrossFitters of Insert Your Town Here-The Open is coming!!!!!

"The Open starts in February!!!  Should I start refreshing the page now?!?!?!?!?!"

The term Leaderboarding is on Urban Dictionary, Rich Froning was all glisten-y and glossy in People magazine and the Doctor's TV show did a variation of Fight Gone Bad that I called The Demise of a Dynomax-Don't slam me, bro.  The Open is going to be HUGE this year.  It's a reality show for CrossFitters.  And, you can be in the cast.

"F.U. Nicole. The Open is NOT like a reality show.  Stop calling attention to the Open.  The site will crash and it will be partly your fault.  You and Reebok.  I'm not going to read your blog anymore and I hate your analogies."   Hi, haters! 

It's a little like American Idol.  A bunch of people sign up and compete week after week.  Everyone from the Firebreathers to the noobs.  Mainsite highlights some Cinderella stories.  There will be some amazing athletes that come out of nowhere and by July, we will all know their names.  There will be some amazing and some very awful video submissions presented to the Games site.  And thousands of people will become the fittest judges on Earth.  Some of the videos will make you wonder "Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot".  People will leave comments.  CrossFitters love to comment as much as they love to squat.  Remember...Just because your shit is 100% grass fed paleo, doesn't mean it doesn't stink to someone else.  Be nice.
  And then we have Regionals.  Then, the 2012 Games.  The Golden Ticket.  And we will watch our CrossFit reality show.  Our Super Bowl.  Our stories.  And, it shall be good.

It's been a huge year.  We've seen what a little Reebok can do for our sport.  The uniforms didn't hinder the Games athletes and their awesomeness.  As it turns out, taking away the Luon wasn't like kryptonite after all.  They asked the athletes to swim and throw a softball-it doesn't make Reebok the Taliban.  So, we are a little more well known now.  TONS of people have started to CrossFit.  Affiliates are popping up everywhere, like Starbucks.  That's because CrossFit is freaking awesome.  The secret is out.  And, it is going to get bigger and more popular.   Then, it will level out.  That's how shit works.  Deal.  I've never understood that- "Oh, please Reebok, don't sponsor our sport.  We don't need to grow.   I can say this because my sub-4 Fran time makes me an expert on the entire CrossFit corporation and its innermost workings and financial information.  Tra-la-la."  Just trust that the people who've brought us this far know what the fuck they're doing.  OK?  OK.

We won't end up like this.

I promise.


Anyway, back to the Open.  People need to be open in our Open-not assholes.  We are supposed to be a community, right?  Not like this:


Like this:


A community. 


Be honest.
Have you drifted away from what someone was so kind to share with you when you started?  When you got your muscle-ups, did you lose something else?  Is this CrossFit 'serious shit' that most of the other people at your Box don't understand?  Have you forgotten what it is like to finish scaled and triumphant?  Or, just happy to finish-fuck your pr?  Have you forgotten what it felt like to fall in love with the total package.  MMMMmmmmmm....Kool Aid.   I'm going to tell everyone I know and meet about my CrossFit WODs.  My co-workers are starting to fucking hate me because I won't shut up.  Do you miss that? 

Because here is a reality check.  The average CrossFitter may never travel to other Boxes.  They may not ever go and watch Regionals or the Games or even a large CrossFit event.  This is their kick ass exercise program.  And, their social outlet.  That is it.  And, that is OK.  Are you a time or strength leader at your Box?  You may be the best CrossFitter some of your fellow athletes will ever watch in person.  You're their Mikko or Miranda.  Your athleticism is admired and so is your hard work.  People look up to you.  Please, don't be an asshat about it.  Pay it forward and strengthen our community.

Here is my suggestion, regardless of your standings in the CrossFit community.  We all entertain the thought of an Open relationship.

Get your heads out of the gutter.  It's not really a cult.  I'm not suggesting you start sleeping with the leaders.
 Sorry.  I couldn't resist that.

No, I'm suggesting that if this is our reality show then be in it.  Front and center, like a bad ass mother.   Find someone at your Box and encourage them to register with you.  Really make the Open a community event and make it an opportunity to help and encourage your fellow athletes.  Hence, Open relationships. 
  Discuss nutrition with each other.  Don't have a  "I just eat Kale, salmon and almond butter for lunch.  Then, I have a post WOD protein and Tabasco smoothie with my ultra elite supplements.  All organic and you suck" attitude.  Take the time to share what you've learned with the new guys.  Counsel each other.  Friend them on Facebook.  If you're old school CrossFit, make up the biggest pitcher of Kool Aid and share it. 

Oh, yeah!

What I'm saying, if you don't get it already, is that the Open is not only a chance to crush those fuckers that were on your tail last year.  It is not only an opportunity to leaderboard, get your nutrition back in check and buy some new, kick ass WOD wear.  The Open is a chance to fall in love with CrossFit again.  Build the community and make EVERYONE feel welcome. 
This:

                                                                               Not this:


If you walk into the Box and people are separated like a junior high dance-Elite athletes on this side of the room and everyone else on the other side- there is something wrong.  Fix it.  BTW, the new people's memberships pay for all the cool equipment that seems to be popping up at your Box.  It's not magic, it's $$$.  Money is the shit.  None of us own Boxes because it is lucrative.    

Look, I'm a realist.  I don't think I'll be moving forward till I can qualify for the Masters, but I still compete.  Why?  It's good experience and it is fun to see where you rank.  That's right.  I do the Open for fun.  It is supposed to be fun. You're allowed to still think this is fun AND crush that old pr.   I take it seriously and do my best.  Irregardless, it is the most fun under $20 you can have legally.

So go out and Forge Open Relationships with LOTS of people.  Share your stories and videos.  Be part of the story.  Someone will be following your progress.  Someone you may never meet will see your name above their name on the Leaderboard week after week and say "Fuck!"  And, your hard work will make them try harder, do better, be better.  Sounds pretty good to me.

Oh, and on a personal note, I turn 40 tomorrow.  And it feels awesome!


Thursday, November 10, 2011

May I comment on your comment?



This blog is not safe for work or for people who feel strongly about enabling bullshit.  You've been warned...


Forgive me, but I love pissed off people and their comments on the Internet.  Here is a fantasy of mine...Mainsite posts a nipple or absurdly elite man bulge.  Pop some corn, kids!  I could read this verbal diarrhea all night.  Actually, I don't want any forgiveness for that-I like what I like and I like mental junk food. 

It's because people are so damn sensitive.  I thought this shirt was funny.

But then I'm sure there is some uptight group out there with a website called Curing, Understanding and Nurturing Tourettes Sufferers.org  and they have some sort of web petition against the people who sell it.  Yes, I just insulted people with tourettes a second time with my fictitious website name. 


Offended yet?  I take comments, too.  And on a side note, I can pretty much guarantee that I do NOT have tourettes, but if I did, that shirt would be in my wardrobe.

I recently read this blog entry and loved it.  I also ate up the comments like they were crispy bacon.


Do I like to stir the poop pot?  No.  This is the Internet!  There are too many nut jobs out there who are up to their elbows in it.  I can just sit back and watch my 'stories' with minimal effort.  And certain subjects really get people going.  Like diseases that are really social disorders or lack of discipline-that one pisses me off.   Cancer is a terrible disease.  Porn enthusiasts are not diseased addicts who need your sympathy.  They are horny people with mad computer skills.  Then, we have sex, politics and religion.  Kids, abuse and money.  That's the big 7. 

So, I'll make one big comment here because the reality is I will either "Like" or "Share" an article or post.  And to that, I will add one sentence.  Maybe add a happy face, as my communicating skills can often mimic a 15 year old girl.

So here we go-

I think if your kid is obese, it is YOUR stinking fault.  Not DNA.  Not bad genes.  Not society and not the school cafeteria.   You.  Man or Mom the fuck up and accept that.  You buy the food.  You provide food in your home.  You give your kid money.  You pack the lunches and you should have the stones to say "No." to craptacular choices that your kid might make in a restaurant.  Let me repeat that.  "No."  It's a fucking kid.  You are in charge.  Period.  If you are afraid your kid will end up in counseling or hate you because you didn't let him have a Large Blizzard instead of a small one, you've dropped the ball.  I mean, really.  You are fucked already.   It's OK if they hate you every once in a while.  Kids hate people for petty reasons and get over it quick.  Why?  They are kids.  Let me repeat the word.  "No."  No explanation necessary.  Going out to eat is a treat at my house.  That is when I let my kid eat what she wants.  Otherwise, her lunches and meals are planned by me or my husband.  Or, we let her choose from whatever we have in the house.  They are portion appropriate and stuff she loves.  We always end up throwing away her holiday candy because it grows old and nasty.  Except for the peanut butter cups.  We steal those when she is sleeping because they are freaking delicious.  But, it is in her room and she can hoard it or eat it or make crafts out of it whenever she wants.  We don't dip it in metaphorical gold and hold it over her head like a damn dog treat.  It's her candy.  She just doesn't give a big hoot about it, one way or another.  She also hates soda.  I don't buy it and she never developed a taste for it.  You develop a taste and a sense for healthy foods and portions just like you can develop a taste for fatty crap.  It's up to us.  There it is. Black and white.  You don't have a disease or a mental disorder.  Your kid does not have a disease.  You just don't have a spine.  And, you are afraid of a 5 year old.  Grow up Meow, say you were wrong and fix it.   If you don't agree with me, then enjoy your front row seat for Type 2 diabetes. 




"I don't have the time or money to exercise." 
Last time you checked, was there a door in the room you are sitting in?  Walk out the door.  A little farther.  A little farther.  You can run thru that door and keep going.  Or lunge. If there is no door-seriously, where are you?-do sit-ups.   Drink some water after that.  It is also free and is the best sports drink out there.  "But, I don't like the taste of water."  It has no taste.  It's water, you knob.
Or, do these.  They are free.  They are called burpees.  I hate them.  I still do them.  You don't need to use the rings.  Try 20 for time.  Then, add more and beat your time.  Work up to 100.  Then, beat your time again.  They suck.  Embrace the suck.
 


Use the DVR-I know you made room in your budget for satellite TV- and shoot your ass into the world.  There are like three women in this world who are admired for their big booty.  So unless you are J Lo, Kim Kardashian or can squat a ton of weight, your ass is just fat.  Sorry.  Borrow a jogging stroller from a friend.  Exercise during your lunch break.  Use the Internet-I know you have access to that.  Go to http://www.crossfit.com/   It is free.  Lose and hour of sleep (gasp.) and wake up early to exercise.  Or, you know, die early.  Whatever.  I don't care.  I just pr'd my back squat, eat bacon almost daily and my cholesterol is pristine.

Other rules of thumb on the hot topics listed above:  Don't have sex, sext or take sexual photos and videos with anyone but your partner.  Don't leave them lying around, amateur porn star.  If you are famous-just don't.  Seriously.  I'm going to see it someday.  And, knowing your real "O" face ruins the movie for me.  Ditto if you are thinking of ever running for office.  Please spare me from having Matt Lauer tell me that you 'did' a campaign volunteer in a Church's Chicken parking lot.

And, religion.  Stop telling others that they are going to hell or that their beliefs are wrong in the eyes of  God and others.  Not your call.  If God wanted referees, then the Pope would be wearing stripes.

And keep those comments coming! 

This video was sent to me.  I thought it was funny.







Sunday, October 23, 2011

R.U.R.X?

#1

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

or...

#2



Both #1 and #2 say the same thing.  I just like to cover my bases when trying to communicate a point.

Look, I don't ask anyone to address something within them that I am not investigating within myself.  Remember your first unassisted pull up?  I'll be frank, the split second after I got mine, I thought "Oh fuck, did anyone see that?"  Because, everything changes after that point.  People expect shit from you.  If your smart, you expect more from yourself, as well.
I compare it to the pressure of finding your 1st rx'd Fran time.  I feel as relaxed with establishing my rx'd Fran time as I do with explosive diarrhea in a crowded public restroom.  Really. 

So, when you are straddling the line between rx and scaled, what do you choose?  I always try to side with intensity.  The rest will come in time.  Unless, it is one of those WODs where you just have to suck it up.

Even if this happens:


or this:


                                                                            or this:


and this:


But, what if it isn't?  What route do YOU take?

Do you do the rx'd weight, because you can, even if you're slow as balls*
*Slow as balls:
Very slow. Refers to the snail's pace at which the testicles are retracted upward into the groin area when exposed to cool temperatures.
"Dude, your Rx'd Grace is as slow as balls.  Grow a pair and scale it!"


Low ball it so your time is 'wicked awesome'....

"Yeah, I used the lowest weight.  You probably didn't notice because I had already ripped out my reps and left while you were on round 3.  I posted my time to the site and Facebook.  Be sure to "like" it."



Or pay attention to your Coaches.  They will give you the correct weight.  Unless they're like these proud parents at a little league game:

A Wodkilla shirt and a piece of paper does not constitute a CrossFit Coach.
With all the awesome competitions going on, it will be interesting to see who is competing scaled and who is going rx'd.  Both are great places to be!  What sucks is when firebreathers stack the deck and place themselves on the scaled team or scaled athletes with big heads decide that they are suddenly rx'd.  The fellas might call that "a real big kick in the franks and beans."  I call it borderline cheating or stupidity.  Either way, it's pretty lame and takes the fun out of the competitions.   I'm personally a scaled athlete with a few rx'd skills in my pocket-not enough to tip the scale and place me on a rx'd team, but enough strength and knowledge of range of motion to compete well as a scaled athlete.
Whether scaled or rx'd, do your best.  Play hard and play fair! 

Monday, October 10, 2011

Unbroken

"Lighten up, Francis."
Sometimes, I think that we forget what to take seriously, and what to just blow off.  Our attitude can rub off on everyone with whom we have an interaction.  Whether it's a hard-ass attitude, a lazy attitude or a positive one. 
You know those WODs where you have a lot of reps and you would like to try to go unbroken?  And, you are working out with a buddy?  And, your buddy drops the bar and you are hitting a freaking wall.  You could do more.  She/he could have done more.  BUT, she/he dropped.  Then, as if it granted you a golden permission slip signed by Glassman, you drop the bar and get a rest, as well.  You both COULD have done more, but you didn't.  And, even though you both pick up the bar and finish the WOD, you know it happened.  Has this EVER happened to you?  I've been on both sides of this one.  And, when I am the 1st to drop because I feel sorry for myself/tired/not "into it" etc. and I think it may have caused a chain reaction, I feel even worse.  That's in the gym.  What about in life?

If I leave my gym clothes on the floor, dishes in the living room, opt for a less-healthy meal or not be enthusiastic and positive, what effect will it have on the people I care about?  Will they, in turn, leave their crap sitting around the house, eat food from crinkly wrappers and be depressed?  I don't know.  What if it did?  I DO know that I would, in turn, be pissed because I would have to clean up their mess while wearing my imaginary, yet very heavy, Queen of All That Is Right crown.  And then, I just may eat a cupcake and go on a Lulu binge.  I know.  "Lighten up, Francis."   So, I TRY not to drop the bar in life until I simply cannot physically or mentally do any more.  I try. 

Sometimes, it is easier for us to do something for others than to do something for ourselves.  It is always best to "secure your mask before assisting others", but if this is how you roll, then try to be stronger, more positive, healthier or not a fucktard in general, for those around you.

BTW, I've been married 17 years this Friday.  If I compare our marriage to a WOD, we have never "dropped the bar" in regards to our commitment and our vows.  Whatever it took, whenever we felt too weary or angry or apathetic-whatever, marriage has too many emotions to list- to go unbroken, somewhere from inside ourselves, we found the strength to push ourselves through.  And that strength inspired the other one to keep going.  When I am down, he helps me up and when he can't go another step, I show him that together we can go unbroken.  Shouldn't life be like that?  I feel blessed everyday. 

Today, inside and outside of the Box, I'm going to try to not drop the bar.  And maybe, by being stronger, the people around me will be stronger and happier, as well. 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

That Touch of Luon: Or, how I became a CrossFit clothes wh*re.

I'm pretty thrifty.  In fact, one of my friends always used to tease me about a shopping trip
we went on years ago.  I was holding up a shirt and said "I like it.  But, I don't like it for 20 dollars."  That's as honest as I can be and described my shopping to a tee.  Marshalls, Gordman's, TJMaxx, Ebay.....I want nice things-at cost.  Then, I started to CrossFit.
I started like anyone else.  Just too plain tired to really give a shit what I was wearing.  Crappy t-shirts became 'gym clothes' before they hit the garage sale pile.  I also didn't focus a lot of attention on my hair and make-up prior to going to the gym.  This hasn't changed.  'Gym Nicole' looks like my strung out twin sister who may or may not ask you for a dollar.  Then I watched the 2010 CrossFit Games.....
These ladies didn't look like very fit, strong homeless women.  Their outfits were......cute.  Coordinated.  Not old maternity shirts with baby food stains.  Did these things exist?  I looked for that Nike swoop-did anyone else make work-out clothes?  These were world class athletes and they weren't just "Doing it".  THEN, I spotted the Omega.  It was tiny and on all the shorts, tanks and bras.  A tiny silver beacon, beckoning my name...
To Google!  It must be a nod to these nut jobs and their love of Omega-3/fish oils.  Wow.  That's dedication.  But no.....and I gave up my search. 
Fast forward to the 2010 HOA Challenge.  I'm seeing the omega everywhere, so I ask this chick in a BEAUTIFUL hoodie "Hey, what is the brand that you are wearing?  I'm seeing it everywhere today." 
"Lululemon."
Lululemon.  It just sounds wonderful, doesn't it?
"Do they sell it around here?"
"Sure.  There is a store at Plaza Frontenac and they are online."
So, I looked online.  And, that Christmas, my wonderful, supportive crossfitter husband gave me some Lulu of my own.  Now, he's not married to the homeless lady at the Box and I'm not wearing a breastfeeding bra to WOD.  Everybody wins.
And, then I pr'd in my Lulu.  And I'm superstitious.  I need more Lulu.
So, when I went to my Level 1 Cert., I visited my 1st Lululemon store.  I was feeling pretty great, having just passed my exam and thought "Hey!  I'll buy one of those hoodies!  To remember this weekend."
Now, this was above and beyond my normal level of spending-remember, I'm thrifty-BUT, I was celebrating.  Then, an important chain of events followed.
#1.  Husband called.  "Where are you at?"
me-"A Lululemon store.  I may buy a hoodie to celebrate...."
husband-"Yeah, you should.  Get some other stuff too, if you want."
me-"Yeah, I might.  It's pretty salty, though."
#2 Then, the sales associate came up.
"Did I hear that you are celebrating?"
me-"Yes, I just passed my certification to become a CrossFit instructor."
Lady Lulu-"You know, you get a discount as a CrossFit instructor."
No.  No, I did not.
An hour later, I was sitting in my car in their parking lot.  Just sitting there.  Staring into space-dazed and confused.  What have I done?  Who was this person with bags upon bags of Lulu in her mom-car?  I've never spent so much on so little in my life.  And, I drove home.
And, it happens every time I go into a Lululemon.  I think they pump in extra oxygen with just a smidgen of meth.  I thank goodness that the nearest store is 4 hours away.  I can control my urges online.  But, not when that Luon touches my skin...
But, I felt SPEC-FUCKING-TACULAR in my Lulu.  And then, I expanded my CrossFit clothing horizons.  Inov-8s, the new Minimus shoes, Life as Rx'd shirts, Rokfit, Lovefit, 2Pood, more Converse.  So many tube socks, my lesbian friends are envious.  My most recent addition:  a kettlebell tattoo.
The main focus of CrossFit is strength and conditioning, nutrition, discipline and community.  But, I have a theory.  We lift like men, we spend our days with weight lifting chalk all over us, our palms are  callused, rough and quite often bloody.  It's a hot, sweaty enviorment with metal music, some vomit, a few cuss words and lots of emotion.  And, my cute WOD gear makes me feel like a girl.  I need it.
I'm not too keen on all the new CrossFit clothes on mainsite-nothing against Reebok-I just like my Lulu. 
I do LOVE that they used CrossFitters as models, though. 

 I think that we need Reebok.  CrossFit has grown so fast in the last few years-beyond the expectation of the founders, I believe.  And, in order to facilitate the needs of all the new athletes, we needed a big sponsor-aka $$$$$$$$$.  No one thinks about how much it would have sucked if people who wanted to compete in Sectionals couldn't, due to the sheer volume of athletes.  It grew so big, so fast.  I have a lot of confidence in the people at HQ-they've done pretty well and have taken us to this point.  They are the delegates, if you will, for our community.  I wish people would put more trust in that.  If you want to complain, go ahead.  I think they(HQ) thought it through very well.  I find it hard to bitch about a program that is busting it's ass to try and make EVERYONE happy-you just can't.  But, they're trying.  But, I do prefer the 'grassroots' clothes.  The witty affiliate shirts, the speed shorts etc.
And, I don't agree with all the complaining about the Reebok Games uniforms.  If I was lucky enough to make it to the Games, you could put me back in a nursing bra and a Wham t-shirt.  I'd just feel happy to be there.  That's on a whole other level than what you wear to the Box.  Paid=professional.  The winners will be paid well.  Plus, it's just a weekend.   I'm willing to bet that if you ask a top 20 athlete if they care, they don't.  I put that on the same level as complaining about side boob
or bare bottom pictures on mainsite.  Get over it.  If I was at HQ, I'd post a picture of a scrotum sack on a kettlebell, just to weed out the elitists and complainers.  But, that's me.
I'm not expecting any job offers from HQ in the near future. :)
 I just want to drink my kool-aid enjoy the 2011 Games, like the rest of us. 
And, I plan on it.  I'm going to kick back on my couch and watch the athletes, the crowds and the update shows-in my Lulu-and just be inspired.
And. maybe get some ideas for a new outfit or two....
Let's face it.  I'm not a top 20 Games athlete or a clothing model, but cute clothes make you feel happy.  And, I believe in the power on Luon.




Thursday, June 2, 2011

Apple Pie and kissing babies......

We survived the rapture!

Have you ever noticed when everything starts to go to shit, the world goes back to the basics?  The politicians start kissing babies, talking about Mom's apple pie and Sunday dinners with the family.  WWGD-what would Grandma do, we ask? People, the masses, take comfort in the basics.  They are familiar and they work.  But then, like we always do, we try to improve on the basics.  And, in turn, we fuck it all up again. 

Here are some examples of stupid inventions to make our lives easier....

Bending over and picking up crumbs can be a big fucking hassle and these slippers can eliminate that.....of course, you then have to bend over to take off the shoe broom and dust pan.  I have a dog, so I don't need these shoes.  He'll eat a paper clip, if he finds it.




You know what really chaps my ass?  When my kid wants toast and then I have to drag out the knife, the toaster, the plate AND the butter!??!?!  Not to mention the loaf of bread and that stupid little twistie tie to keep the bread fresh.  It just sucks the life out of you!  Between this and the stretch marks, I better get a car next Mother's Day.  And it better be a pimpmobile.  BUT, with this handy-dandy little invention, I'm saved all that hassle.  So what that it looks like a glue stick? Kids eats glue all the time.  Ask a teacher-I'm right about this one.



Eat with our fingers?  What are we?  Animals? 

Basically, yes.  And, like the mouse in the maze, we are problem solvers.  But sometimes, as we try to improve our lives, we can cause more problems.  Sure, I'm not getting finger stank from holding that shrimp, but now I have all these little finger plates to wash!  If dancing is good, dance aerobics is great!
Why workout, when you can slap on some thick soled Shape-ups and walk your ass to Kardashian status?
  Why lift a weight, when you can shake weight?



We've made everything so complicated....Can't we just all go back to basics?

 CrossFit knows all about the basics.  That's all we do.  And if you pick up ANY fitness magazine, they will tell you about this amazing 'new' way to get superior results....fast.  This isn't new.  It's like Glenda the Good Witch says at the end of The Wizard of Oz:

"You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas."

We've had running, jumping, push-ups, sit-ups, squats, lifting heavy things and putting them down for as long as we have been on this Earth.  It's only in the last 40 years or so that we have really started to screw that up. 

 Oh, it starts with good intentions....
If veggies and fruits are good, then let's find a way to preserve and multiply them beyond natural means.  I found a canned good at my house that I can eat when my almost 11 year old daughter is at her driver's test.  No shit.  Whatever is in there that sustains that food, I'm not sure I want to put in my body.  Really think about that.  If a food will still be good in 3 or 4 years, do you REALLY want to eat it?

Girls today don't look like they did when I was 10.....
Of course they don't.  The growth hormones in our meats and dairy are changing that.  "But, she looked 18" is almost believable now......almost.  Check IDs players!  15 will still get you 20 and nowadays, it will also get you a scathing case of syphilis and a Facebook page dedicated to your perverted ways.  Read your meat and dairy labels and buy local, if you can.  Look for grass-fed, organic or hormone-free.  Find a farmer, farmer's market, natural food store or an old hippie-they'll hook you up.

Not that we all don't have moments where we go thru the drive-thru and toss the kids some McFuckits.  But, hopefully we are more aware now than we were 5 years ago.  And fast food should be a treat, not an every day nutritional plan for our families.

Basics.  How easy is this nutritional plan?

Vegetables, lean meats, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar.  Boom.  As we say at the Box, "That just happened..."  Easy.  Basics.  Just like our grandparents used to do.

Even our dinner plates are bigger than they were 40 years ago.  Because more is better, right?  If you are talking about visceral fat and prescriptions to regulate our blood pressure, cholesterol and insulin, then there you go.  Portions today are absurd.  A Happy Meal is calorically suited for an adult.  A Big Mac and fries has the calories for a family of three.



Nicole, why are you McHatin'?

Truthfully, I love McDonalds.  I get their black coffee, eggs and fruit and walnut salad.  They are just a good example of somewhere in which we are all familiar.  If you don't know what a Happy Meal is, then welcome to your 1st day on the Internet.  There are no panties on Panties in a WOD.  The porn is just a few clicks away....hang in there, buddy.

But, I love it when people talk about this "new flash in the plan called CrossFit."  I hear it's the next Zumba.  :)

The magic of CrossFit is in the programming.  And, the community.  The movements are the basics.  The same ones that our Grandfathers used in basic training during World War II.  The same that our swat and tactical teams practice to stay in optimal shape.  I'm not saying that Seal Team 6 busted out 'Fran' before they took out Bin Laden, but I will bet my weight in lactic acid that they know how to do thrusters and pull-ups.

In a world that is already full of complications, why not keep it simple and stay with what works?  If you are tempted to stray and make things complicated, go ahead.  You'll be back.  Because when it all starts to fall to shit, we always return to the basics.

WORLD CLASS FITNESS IN 100 WORDS
"Eat meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. Keep intake to levels that will support exercise but not body fat. Practice and train major lifts: Deadlift, clean, squat, presses, C&J, and snatch. Similarly, master the basics of gymnastics: pull-ups, dips, rope climb, push-ups, sit-ups, presses to handstand, pirouettes, flips, splits, and holds. Bike, run, swim, row, etc, hard and fast. Five or six days per week mix these elements in as many combinations and patterns as creativity will allow. Routine is the enemy. Keep workouts short and intense. Regularly learn and play new sports."
~Greg Glassman