"Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape! "
I guard the number on the scale like it is a Government secret. I don't think this makes me unique. I know a lot of women who feel the same way. I lie about my weight. On my driver's license, I have my goal weight. I good with that.
So, I really admire the contestants on The Biggest Loser because they let the world see their number on the scale. While wearing a sports bra and tight spandex-blend shorts. I won't even wear a 2-piece in public. I'd wear Spanx in a WOD, if they weren't so hot and restrictive. Yes, I'm that vain. Get over it, I have.
They also put up with their trainer Jillian. I call her the Hate Monkey. The Hate Monkey perches on the tops of the treadmills like a organ grinder's monkey. Who treats equipment like that? And the screams things like "How much do you weigh? Do you want to miss your 4 year old daughter's wedding? Do you? Do you? Cause you will. You are walking towards a slow death. And, it's all because you won't pick you feet up and fucking run!!!!! Daddy didn't love you enough to run at an 8. But, he loves bratwurst! Doesn't he? Which is it gonna be? Ruining the most important day in your daughter's life or another bite of crap?" See, like a real monkey will throw poo at you, she does it verbally. And when she finally gets them to the point that they are emotionally destroyed, crying and exclaiming "I'm not fit to breathe the same air as everyone else on the planet! I'll do whatever you say! You're right. I'm crap." She exhales while closing her eyes and mouths the words "You're welcome." Like she has done them a big favor.
Fucking Hate Monkey.
Not that I disagree with yelling at the gym. I like the Mark Rippetoe quote "Poor form in the gym is caused by insufficient yelling." And, I've learned to like people yelling for me, even though I used to HATE it. I used to dislike being pushed SO much that I would say FU to my trainer. Or I would write it with chalk on the pull-up station and point at it when I was too winded to say it. I even gave him a card that had a sweet little angel on the front, On the inside, in flowing pink script it read "Dear Rodney, Fuck you. From your friend, Nicole."
When my husband became a trainer, my dislike for people to yell for me during a WOD got worse. He would yell "Hurry up, Nicole. You gotta hurry up!" Because we were doing an AMRAP in 20 and he knew that if pushed, I could get in another round. But, I would just lose my mind and be like "Why are you yelling at me? Rinse your fucking dishes! You never notice when I get my hair cut! My form is PERFECT, like me! Do you think I'm fat?" Then, I would cry. Like a weird, mentally imbalanced crazy chick. And, Chase is a really great trainer! His advise, like Rodney's, is always on point. But, I couldn't distinguish between people yelling for me and people yelling at me. I can now. Finally. After 2 years. It's caused me to PR more than once. Plus, our music can be loud and the dim of a WOD intense. Sometimes, we just need to yell to be heard. Or, to express our excitement for each others performance. Yell for me, please, but don't yell AT me. I'll take you out-and not to lunch. And then, I'll cry.
99% of the time, people perform better when they are pushed. We lose weight faster and are less prone to cheat when we are monitored. But, you need a support network.
Tomorrow begins the CrossFit SoMO weight loss challenge. Whether you need to firm up, lose weight or just adjust your eating habits to a healthier lifestyle, come and weigh in. Your number on the
scale is between you and the trainer that weighs you in. You are only competing against yourself. Our trainers can advise you on your diet. And, we are 100% Hate Monkey free.
Fucking Hate Monkey.
Not that I disagree with yelling at the gym. I like the Mark Rippetoe quote "Poor form in the gym is caused by insufficient yelling." And, I've learned to like people yelling for me, even though I used to HATE it. I used to dislike being pushed SO much that I would say FU to my trainer. Or I would write it with chalk on the pull-up station and point at it when I was too winded to say it. I even gave him a card that had a sweet little angel on the front, On the inside, in flowing pink script it read "Dear Rodney, Fuck you. From your friend, Nicole."
When my husband became a trainer, my dislike for people to yell for me during a WOD got worse. He would yell "Hurry up, Nicole. You gotta hurry up!" Because we were doing an AMRAP in 20 and he knew that if pushed, I could get in another round. But, I would just lose my mind and be like "Why are you yelling at me? Rinse your fucking dishes! You never notice when I get my hair cut! My form is PERFECT, like me! Do you think I'm fat?" Then, I would cry. Like a weird, mentally imbalanced crazy chick. And, Chase is a really great trainer! His advise, like Rodney's, is always on point. But, I couldn't distinguish between people yelling for me and people yelling at me. I can now. Finally. After 2 years. It's caused me to PR more than once. Plus, our music can be loud and the dim of a WOD intense. Sometimes, we just need to yell to be heard. Or, to express our excitement for each others performance. Yell for me, please, but don't yell AT me. I'll take you out-and not to lunch. And then, I'll cry.
99% of the time, people perform better when they are pushed. We lose weight faster and are less prone to cheat when we are monitored. But, you need a support network.
Tomorrow begins the CrossFit SoMO weight loss challenge. Whether you need to firm up, lose weight or just adjust your eating habits to a healthier lifestyle, come and weigh in. Your number on the
scale is between you and the trainer that weighs you in. You are only competing against yourself. Our trainers can advise you on your diet. And, we are 100% Hate Monkey free.
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