My Corner of the World

I spent this weekend hiding my head in the sand. The sand being my birthday, my yummy non-paleo treats, my family.

Anything to avoid the news.

What could be worse than the bare facts? 20 children dead and six adults. I didn't need to hear more.

 Details like the little girl who wanted to wear her fancy Christmas dress to school that day haunt me. She did, by the way. That is a magnificent mother. Most moms would say no. It would get ruined at recess, at lunch etc. But she said yes. I bet that sweet little princess felt so special getting ready that morning and walking into her class. As a mother, that would bring me comfort.  But honestly, all of these details and the interviews, ESPECIALLY the interviews with the children...I just can't listen to them. The weeks before Christmas should be the best times in elementary school. And for parents, our babies bring home crafts and colored pictures that we keep forever. I keep mine with the Christmas decorations. Every year, Sydney's reaction is different. This year, she said, "You're not going to put THAT up, are you?" And someday, she will treasure them like I do. They are memories. I feel sad that these parents don't have construction paper wreathes and homemade ornaments to treasure. There are a million reasons to feel sad regarding the shootings at Sandy Hook. That is just one that was on my mind today.

In their grief and quest for answers, so many people look for someone or something to blame. Gun control, autism, lax parenting, lack of prayer in schools, insufficient security etc. I suppose it gives them comfort, this searching for a reason. I've done it. I have found it to be ineffective for me. Because we will never know what was going through the shooter's mind that morning.

In the gym, solutions come easy.

"Hit positions."

"Tighten up your nutrition."

"Timing."

"Drill the skill."

"Break it down and take it one step at a time."

"Practice."

"Patience."

In life, not so much. We want immediate gratification. We want answers....now.

Sorry.

I wish life had the same clarity that we see at the gym. A tight little plan that, when followed, produces the intended results.

All I know is blaming never got me a PR.

Only hard work.

So, to get through this, I am going to tighten up my skills in my tiny corner of the world. It's the only way I know how to help.

I'm going to listen without simultaneously thinking and formulating responses. I'm going to try to understand others. I'm going to hug my child more, much to her pre-teen dismay, because I need to. And deep inside, everyone needs more love, no matter what they say. I'm never going to miss an opportunity to say "I love you" to someone because you just never know if that was your last chance. And, so help me, if my child wants to wear my freaking wedding dress to school, I will just be calm and say "With or without the veil?" Because everyone needs to feel understood and supported.

Use the Hook Grip!

Six months ago, I hit rock bottom. And at the time, I didn't understand why. Let me explain where I was sitting at that point.

The CrossFit Journal had written a nice profile about me in the "You were saying..." series. I was then asked to write a few articles for the Games site during the Open which led to the offer of the Head Writer position for the North Central Regional. I'd only been CrossFitting a few years. I was thrilled to accept the offer. And terrified.

At work, we had just built from the ground up a Box that is enviable by any one's standards. It was built to my husband and his business partner's specifications and may I say, it kicks ass. Not only do we have some of the finest coaches in Southern Missouri, but our facility is only surpassed in coolness by the incredible athletes that walk through its doors every day. That's not just your typical 'Box pride'.  On an unbiased level, SoMO is hard to beat. My heart beats faster when I open the big bay doors-I love it! Anyone would.

And on the home front, I had and still have a wonderful daughter who is smart, wicked funny and causes very little drama for a 12 year old girl. My husband, who is also hard to beat by any one's standards, tells me he loves me every day and that he is happy. And I know both are true. We laugh together and truly enjoy each other's company. I am more in love today than I was when I met him in 1991. It is everything a young girl would dream about when she imagines her life as a married woman and mother.

My cup was overflowing and all I could see was the ring it was making on the table.
I hated me. I felt like an impostor in my own life.

I had hit an emotional rock bottom. And it's stabby as fuck down there.

I felt unworthy of all my blessings.

Do I work hard at my job and love it passionately? Yes. Do I do the same with my marriage and family? With pleasure. I will give 100% to others but the problem was I wouldn't do the same for myself. And I fell deeper into the hole.

Did people know? Hell, no! Now, if I have a splinter, you will hear the heck out of it. But this? I just couldn't admit the full depths of my feelings to anyone. And I refuse to admit a weakness. I came across like a mountain of strength and positivity, but you could have blown my soul away like a leaf.

Thank God I didn't go full mental. I had reasoning and common sense. I knew what was the eye of the self-inflicted shit storm. Yes, self-inflicted. I was chipping away at myself. It was nutrition. The freaking base of the hierarchy of the athlete. The foundation of it all. I was not content on just ruining my body with poor nutrition. If you screw with it long enough, you can take down your mind, as well. I promise you that.

Do you know this picture?

It's a Coach Glassman original put out there at our Level 1 Certs and in a great Journal article from 2002. You locals may even recognise it from one of my nutrition lectures. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that I can counsel nutrition like a motherfather? Irony. But that base or foundation of nutrition is very much tied in with my mental state. It was crumbling. I felt terrified.

I can't not eat. I will die. I can't focus too much on it. I will go back to a terrible place in my life where that was all I did. I can't not focus on it. It's my job. So, I just ate as I wished. I ate myself into a terrible state. I not only polluted my body but my soul, as well. I was beginning to hate others for their happiness. Seething hate. I didn't know who I was looking at in the mirror. But I knew I hated her, too.

So, I says to myself, I says..."Self, WTF? Go to a nutrition program for CrossFitters. They will understand. They know you need fat-not fat-free foods. They know you need whole foods. Go to a group of strangers and tell them you need help. Who cares what a stranger thinks? Explain your past with eating. Explain that you hate yourself. Help yourself, dammit! And by all means, keep up a strong front at home and at the Box. People depend on you. You're letting everyone down by not taking care of yourself."

So, I found one. And there was a tightness in my chest that loosened a tiny bit. I was going to try it out. I felt some hope. Until one day I read on Facebook that they had, in my mind, disrespected my love-CrossFit. Now, I don't know if they resolved it but I can tell you that on that particular day, I went berserk. Shit house rat crazy. On the Internet. And I thank God for fate, friendship and community interceding that day.  Here is what happened...

As you may recall me saying, I'd lost my shit. Now, this is not typical. I joke and laugh. I support and care. I do not normally strip naked (emotionally) and streak through someones status update on Facebook. But, true to form, if I'm going to fuck up, I'm going to pr. So I did it on the page of one of my instructors from my Level 1 Cert. You know those guys. You go home from your Cert and friend them on Facebook. Then you brag that they are your friend on Facebook. You watch them compete at the Games. You refer to them by their first names and will probably never meet them again. You 'Like' their status updates, but you don't comment on them. Holy shit, creeper....Yeah, those folks. I did it there. BIG.

I was honest. I was raw and I truly didn't give a fuck. I felt like the rug was ripped out from under me. How was I going to get my mind and body under the same roof now? Damn them, this nutritional counseling group, for yanking away the rope that was going to pull me out of the pit I was in. If you know me and/or you think CrossFit is 'cultish', then you know I am a card carrying supporter. I beat the bass drum in the freaking parade. If you poop on my sport, I will not give you a dime. If you try to harm it or discredit the people, I will argue till I am blue in the face. And whether it was rational or not, this is how I felt that day. And I felt alone. Again. I felt like I would show up to write at Regionals and they would know I was an impostor. How would I interview our Games athletes without them thinking "Who the fuck is this? She doesn't look like she CrossFits. Does she even know what she is talking about? What was HQ thinking?"

So, while I am ranting like an unhinged crazy person about how I feel to VIRTUAL STRANGERS, three of them step in.

"We will help you."

Mother of God. I shut my laptop. Quickly. Like they could see me. What have I done?

I opened it back up. Crap. They were still there. Now, I don't know what you do when you see a crazy person. I slowly and quietly back out of the room. That's not what was happening here. With 2-3 post efficiency, they formulated a plan to contact me. Two of my Level 1 instructors and a writer from HQ worked up a plan.

"Boom! Done!" one of them wrote.

 Wow. It's worth repeating. Wow. Why did they even care? They really don't know me. Life would go on without my wiseacre cartoons, memes and status updates on Facebook. So, why? That day, fate put me there for a reason. I can only guess that they just love people and love their job like I do. I would walk through fire for my athletes-I love them. As soon as they walk through our doors, I love them. Maybe they feel that way about the athletes they guide, as well. Even if it is just for a weekend.

So, I allowed myself to admit my weaknesses to them. I didn't lie, which was hard. I was used to lying to myself on that subject. But it felt very good to tell the truth.

Now, I am not very religious, but I live in the buckle of the Bible belt. And I have heard of people talk about 'falling off the path' they knew so well. And as the 2 instructors spoke with me via email and phone, they reminded me of what I was taught at my Level 1. It was like hearing it for the first time-"I saw the nutritional light!" I'd seen the path to good health before. As I said, I even draw one heck of a map for everyone else on how to get there. But, I had never walked it in earnest-ever. I never felt like I was worth it. But if they were willing to believe in me, I was willing to try.

Where were all my friends and family? Here-really here. Like always. Could or would they have helped me? Yes! Would I have let them? Not then. I was afraid I would be a burden or I would be letting them down. Not so. I really sold them short by hiding the truth. Or saved them. I did tell my husband about my contact with the coaches, but I was vague about the deep hole I was in. It was just easier to deal with the phone calls and emails of my L1 instructors. I really didn't let them know the full depth of my feelings either.

I got to meet Glassman at Regionals and talk with him. I tried to explain what CrossFit meant to me and how I owed it so much-more than he will ever know, but couldn't really go into detail without crying. I really didn't want to do that, so I just said "I can't express right now how my life is changing." It didn't matter though. He just gave me a big hug and said "I understand. I really do." And although he does not know the details of my story, there was something in his eyes and nod that told me he did understand. I'm not the first and I won't be the last person who turns a lifetime of negative thinking around because of our sport. That's pretty amazing. I think he hears it a lot but it never gets old. He seems genuine like that. I know it made me want to work harder toward my goal of not letting myself down anymore.

When I asked if the new Goal Setting Seminar would be helpful, they said yes and encouraged me to go. It took a long time till I felt like I could. I didn't feel worthy to sit there. It never occurred to me to become Certified in my weakness. So I made sure by the time I went, I had put a lot of my negative self-talk behind me. I was able to list my goals without a lot of thought. Months of soul searching can do that to you. I'm like an addict-there is a comfort I take in putting myself down. I still do it, to a degree. Why can't I get under the bar, etc. But I am getting clean. And I have not abused my nutrition in 64 days. I feel really good.

At first so I would not let down others, and then myself-FINALLY :), I have changed my way of thinking about food and myself. Now I can love my family the way they deserve to be loved. I am not squandering the gift that was given to me from CrossFit and I am not disregarding the gift I have given myself. I do not write this to make others feel sorry for me or to be proud of me. I don't need either. I am proud of me. Hell, I freaking LOVE me! So, I write this for me. As I do all my blog entries. Because secrets are fucking heavy to carry around. And if it helps someone else, I'm happy. I can't be the only person who was afraid to acknowledge a weakness in fear of letting others down. Truth is, we only have to be strong for ourselves. Everyone around you will benefit from it. Just don't be afraid to accept help. Sometimes you know enough to try to pull yourself out of a hole. You just need someone to remind you to use a hook grip.

This one's for all my single friends....

Mother of God...

Many of you have talked to me about finding love. You have also talked to me about your hopes in that person being a CrossFitter. And you wonder about the other single CrossFitters you meet. And you ask me very intense questions regarding them. Don't talk to me anymore about this shit. I only care if you are happy while you are in my class, safe while you are in my class and that you are going below parallel while using the proper range of motion. I assume that if you are doing these 3 things, it will bleed over into other parts of your life and you will find happiness. Not that I don't care about you personally. I do.

I really did like that picture you posted of the guy at the BBQ: 

I truly LOL'd at your post regarding cats:

I do care! 

But all the answers about the single people at the Box are right in

 front of you. You just need to pay attention.

Someone tickles your fancy? Watch them. Psychologically, the Box is a fascinating place. Here are some things to look for when investigating a potential mate:

*Are they a chalk whore? Chalk does not make you stronger. It enhances your grip. You do not need it for GHD's, wallballs, double unders or push ups. I have seen people chalk for all of these. Excessive chalking is usually an excuse for resting and will cause you to rip more easily. Chalk doesn't need to go up to your elbows. You do not need to slap your hands together with grande flair after chalking. It gets chalk everywhere and you look like a colossal tool. Chalk whores are messy people. Unless they clean that stuff up after class-without being told-you may want to think twice. I can make a Scarface joke and they will laugh and clean it up. It is funny coming from me. Not so fun coming from you when they leave crumbs and dirty pans all over your kitchen in a few months. I don't care if you did a sub-3 Fran or made a souffle. No matter how awesome the end result, no one likes cleaning up another adults mess. Unless, of course, you get off on that. If so, go for it!

*Do they mark their territory?

"This is my spot. It's mine. LOL! My WOD will be ruined if I move. LOL......not really. I'm being serious. It's mine. Fuck off."

Some people need to use the same pull up bar, lifting station, rower or bar every time. They HOARD chalk buckets. They build a WOD fortress of solitude around their area. Their own chalk-no sharesies. Water bottle, just so. A towel. A system and the tools needed to mark rounds. All laid out to their liking. We all do that to a degree, right?  But wait till someone screws with the perimeter of the fortress or there is a sudden change and they need to use the short bar, tall bar, lifting station with the green plates or the rower that has taped handles. They can still WOD, but we will all hear about why it wasn't a success or pr. Now imagine buying the wrong laundry detergent for this person. Does it still clean clothing? Yes. But you're gonna hear why it doesn't do it as well or smell as fresh as their brand. I hope you have 32 loads worth of patience. Or move into their apartment. Sorry. It will always be their apartment. You can live there for 5 years and it will not matter. And you better not rearrange the furniture to surprise them. SURPRISE! Here comes the crazy train. CHOOO!! CHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

 If they are 5'10" and huff about moving to a higher bar when it is needed for the athlete who is 4'11", imagine mattress shopping with them.

*Are they a nutrition Nazi? Yes, we all need to eat whole foods and eat reasonable portions, but nutrition for optimal performance must be personalized and tweaked. What works for Jack may not work for Jill.  And the last person who guilted me about a cookie before dinner was my Mommy and Daddy. I am now an adult. Who's your Daddy should mean something different these days. Parent/child dynamics between adults are unhealthy. Some people are paleo. Some people are Zone and some eat clean. Some are 100% and some eat 80/20. But we are all adults. Observe these points:  Do they look down at others who count Zone blocks or eat cheese? Do they offer the advice that if you would cut out gluten completely, you WILL pr your snatch? Do they say "I told you so!" if you don't? Do they blame every ache, pain, cold, change of weather, tax law and voting preference on what people consume? Do they not find this video funny?

Then run. Seriously. Life is short. Lighten up. Sometimes, you just want to motorboat a Blizzard.
And if they want their mommy's opinion, they will pick up the phone. Don't hate.

* Does she hate booty shorts? This is for you guys.  Listen for these remarks:
"Jane is like, sooo sweet. But I hate the way she does pull-ups. And she grunts when she squats. Do you think she knows her butt is that big? Poor Jane."
 "But, it was a 250lb. back squat?!?!" you say.
"Yeah.....she sounds totally gross. I feel sorry for her. Because she's so sweet."
Translated: Jane is hot. And strong as f*ck. I'm jealous.

You have two choices. You can run the other way or validate your lady till this behavior goes away. Both are effective.

Let me tell you something, ladies....and hear me well.....
THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE HOTTER AND/OR STRONGER THAN YOU AT THE GYM! AND SINCE STRONG AND CONFIDENT IS HOT, LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING. YEAH, THAT DOES SUCK. SO BE QUIET.

Men aren't stupid. But you sound stupid when you say things like that. You will be jealous of other women. I can assure you of that. But it is so much sexier if you stay confident in yourself and appreciate the other ladies in the gym. You cant cast a cloud over their pr's. Don't even try. He may admire her strength and even her beauty, but he likes you! Remember that. Your comments don't change the whiteboard and guys like stats. Period. Be proud of YOUR work and it will show in other ways.  I swear, it may even make you pr. Oh and if you are dating someone at the Box, don't compare their time to anyone of the same sex. Anyone. Trust me, they already know who beat them.

I'm married to a CrossFitter. I cannot imagine it any other way. No one else will ever understand how bad it stings to shampoo your hair with torn hands or what your legs feel like after a 400m walking lunge. Or why you would do those things in the first place and why you love it so much. Or what Fran cough is and why it sucks. It's pretty much awesome. That being said, I still won't set you up with other single athletes or be your wing man at the Box. That is a pr you'll have to go for on your own.

My Joe Namath

I have always been a defiant person. I'm not really proud of that characteristic, but I am working on it. If I am told that I will love something, I will try to find a way to prove you wrong. I do not know why I do that. I'm sure that I missed out on a lot by being stubborn. Like sports. Especially the gritty 1970's football. Real 'North Dallas Forty' type men with beards like Lucas Parker and mojos like mofos.

With so many brothers and 3 channels on TV, football was on every weekend. There was no cable. No Internet. No second TV and no older brother to take me to the movies. Why? The fucking game was on, that's why. To this day, I can defiantly tune out a football game. The whistle has a Pavlovian effect on me and I feel sleepy. My husband can hear the crowd scream from two rooms away and will come in and say "What just happened?" I don't know. I watch the Super Bowl for the commercials and the food. I will go to a stadium for the beer. But I will not know the score. I know the signal for touchdown and I think the throwing of a flag is a stupid way to signal anything. Truly. I like the cheerleaders and the energy, but I have no clue what is happening. And I don't care. Period. Because I was told football was the love all, end all. And no one tells me what to like. Stubborn.

But I did like Joe Namath. He was stubborn, too. Defiant. He made everyone in my living room mad as hell and awestruck, all at once. He rocked the boat. I liked him because when the scouts came to his college dorm, he had the stones to ask for $200,000 and a Lincoln Continental-no one asked for that much back then. I liked that he used to say "I can't wait for tomorrow, 'cause I get better looking every day." He wore pantyhose and white shoes. He was on an episode of The Brady Bunch. And you didn't question him because he was just that good. When everyone else ran safe, Broadway Joe went long. Truly, he was the greatest quarterback that anyone had ever seen back then. He played for the Jets till '76, then for the Rams for one year. Then Joe Willie was gone. He later went on to be a Goodwill ambassador for the Jets and kicked alcoholism.  Like a boss.

I often wonder what he thinks of football today? Is he blown away by the talent? The money? Athletes are faster. Stronger. They train differently. The players have evolved into bigger machines. And I wonder if he questions whether Broadway Joe, in his prime, could keep up with these guys?

I think everyone has a Broadway Joe. Not just in football, but in life. Now I'm an adult and I have a CrossFit Namath. By the time I got to watch him compete, I had been watching him on the Internet for several years. The first time I saw him, he was walking past me and I was like, "Holy shit!" It was surreal. Here is this man that I admire for his dedication, strength and attitude. And I was going to watch him do a workout. My stomach hurt. I felt short of breath. I have never wanted to see anyone win like I did that day. He didn't. But watching him compete was exhilarating! I screamed and yelled. I watched every move. At one point he looked over and when he left the floor he said "Thank you" to me. I didn't say a word. I didn't know what to say. My Namath spoke to me.

All of the sudden, my brothers and Dad weren't crazy. Or selfish. I understood. When you admire a team or an athlete, sometimes watching them compete is the best thing ever. Win or lose. You can't compare it to anything else. It is just amazing to watch their drive.

My Namath did better as the competition went along. Damn, it was exciting to watch him inch up in the standings. But the other guys were a little faster. I saw my Namath look around during one workout as he was passed by another athlete. There was a look of shock. It didn't happen very often and he wasn't expecting it. He looked like he was hit with a bucket of cold water. Stunned, then determined to catch this guy, he dug in and fought like hell to win. He didn't. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Then it was over.

 Later, there standing alone was CrossFit Joe. Hands on the fence, leaning forward, watching the heat that he should have been in. Tired from the workout he just finished, I didn't know what or if I should say anything. I will never forget that picture of him. You could read everything about him. He seemed vulnerable and human. Just a guy from a Box somewhere. I felt like he was wondering if he still belonged. But he was still one of my CrossFit heroes and I just couldn't let the moment pass. So, I tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey, Nicole." Mother of God, I thought I would vomit right there. He knows me. "I...I don't have anything to say," he said.

"That's okay," I said. "I just want to say something. This weekend means a lot to me. I have watched your videos for two years and I really admire you. I like how you dig in your heels and fight. I think you're doing a great job. And it means a lot to me to have finally met you. I just wanted to tell you that."

"I'm sorry if it is disappointing for you," he said.

"How can it be disappointing? You're....you're like my CrossFit Joe Namath." Then I got all teary looking, because I am a colossal dork.

I felt like a giant bag of wieners. But CrossFit Joe just gave me a hug and said "Thanks, man."  I wished him luck and excused myself. . And the next day, he kicked ass. Like a boss. Because that is what guys like him do. And I yelled and screamed and jumped up and down.  It was a great day.

I think a lot about how CrossFit has become more competitive and I worry that I am getting older. And I wonder if on a much larger scale, do top CrossFit athletes get scared too?  I have new athletes come in all the time who pick up skills like lightning. Or match my pr when we are testing their maxes. And they ask "Is this good?" What must the Games competitors think? They are trainers. They see the talent out there. It is exciting and scary, all in one parcel. I worry that I may let down my athletes by being slower  at times. Or scaling when I need to scale. But then I think about Broadway Joe. Two years before retiring, Joe Namath was the NFL's Comeback Player of the Year. So, there's hope for me yet.

 

Most importantly, I am blessed with a wonderful husband who is the strongest man I know and the one I admire above all others. Happy Anniversary this Sunday! Thank you for loving and accepting my Colorful view on things!

Dear Mr. Kelly...

Dear Mr. Kelly,

My name is Nicole Scott Smith. I wrote you an email stating that I oppose Anthos Capitol purchasing Lauren Glassman’s ownership interest in CrossFit. This is the email you sent back to me and I would like to respond:

Nicole, 

Appreciate your concern and for reaching out directly to us.  There is LOTS of incorrect information being circulated regarding our intentions.  Nearly everyone in our office does CrossFit and we love and understand the community.  We recognize affiliates are the lifeblood of this community and we would never do anything to intentionally harm them - in fact, it would be our goal to make affiliates even more successful in the future.  Please see the below letter that provides additional detail about Anthos and our approach to this situation.

-----------

Dear CrossFitters:

My name is Bryan Kelly and I am a Managing Director at Anthos Capital.  As you may have heard, we have entered into a definitive agreement to purchase Lauren Glassman’s ownership interest in CrossFit subject to court approval.  I am writing to tell you about us, respond directly to misunderstandings about our objectives, and to tell you that we will be supportive, non-managing, value-add partners to CrossFit, the affiliates, and the community. 

By way of personal background, I have been CrossFitting for the past two years and know and love the CrossFit community. Like many of you, CrossFit has had a profound positive impact on my wellness and life.  Due to CrossFit, I’m in better shape at 34 than I was at 24 and I hope that I’ll be even healthier at 44 than I am now.  Many of my colleagues are also active CrossFit participants, and feel the same way.  I developed tremendous respect for Coach Glassman and the Affiliates in revolutionizing the fitness industry.  This is what attracted our firm to consider investing in CrossFit.

We got to know the CrossFit team over several years, built a mutual respect, and became interested in the idea of investing.  We learned of Lauren’s interest in selling her shares and reached an agreement with her that we believe will be beneficial to all.  Our investment accomplishes several things: it provides Lauren with a fair and orderly transition out of CrossFit (consistent with her role of co-founder of CrossFit and her 50% ownership interest), it doesn’t create substantial financial obligations for CrossFit in connection with a buy out of Lauren’s interests, and it results in Greg having a partner who respects him and his vision and will support him in his efforts to further build the company.

Grossly inaccurate claims have been made about our intentions.  For clarity, our plan is to help Coach Glassman professionally execute his vision by playing a supporting, hands off role.  Greg will continue as CEO and we will be an investor with no managing responsibilities.  We will own 50%, not a majority.  We will be equal partners. We have absolutely no desire to change the affiliate model by turning them into Globo gyms. Our core philosophy as investors is to be supportive, non-control partners to the companies and teams we back.

 I have met with Greg several times.  It is my style to brainstorm and throw out a variety of ideas that the entrepreneur can take or leave as he/she pleases.  After hearing feedback from several of you affiliates, my suggestion is that affiliates could benefit if CrossFit HQ (or a third party provider) offered optional technology services (website, member billing, member communication) to Affiliates that wanted them – those that wanted to could employ these initiatives, those that did not want to would conduct business as usual.

 We raise ideas, but ultimately the decision is Greg’s and we view our role as one that helps, not directs. More broadly, the reason we are attracted to CrossFit is because of its important Affiliate model.  We have absolutely no intention or desire to create a franchise model, tell you how to run your business, or force you to sell products you don’t believe in.

We know the affiliates are the lifeblood of the community and are critical to the long-term success of CrossFit – both as a fitness revolution and as a business.  In short, why would an investor want to destroy the future of a company in which they invest?  We want to do well in the future by you doing well in the future.

As we all know though, a core tenant of CrossFit is the relentless pursuit of betterment.  We’re confident that our partnership can help do that.

Best Regards,

Bryan

First of all Mr. Kelly, I did reach out to you directly. And personally. Thank you for recognizing that point. I wrote you an email. A very polite one that stated in no uncertain terms that I do not wish to work under the jurisdiction of your company. You sent me a form letter. Now, I understand that you received many emails regarding CrossFit and appreciate that there are only so many hours in the day. But when people reach out to you on a personal level, then don't send them form letters feigning familiarity with the recipient. Just wait till you have time to answer, or do not send one at all. I knew you didn't write it to me. I do not believe that I may have already won $1,000,000 when I get those letters either, so I get that you really didn't look at my email. Someone at your office may have scanned it for information that may be valuable to your purpose, but finding that it was just the opinion of one non-affiliate owner CrossFitter, I am sure it was filed away on your computer somewhere. Or deleted. Next time you send a form letter, make it one from your company as a whole. Or your department. That is what it really was, Mr. Kelly.

Oh, I have read all the things you have posted. Old emails from Coach etc, etc, etc. The threads really go on and on Mr. Kelly and it is not my intention to reiterate those here. They are not my threads and Facebook posts. My intention is to be heard. And, it may sound unfair, but I do not feel I need to hear anything more from you because you got to state your side. I didn't. I got a form letter.

Mr. Kelly, you state that you are a CrossFitter, as are many of your colleagues. I do not doubt that you follow the program. Let me tell you about me. I am a Level 1 Trainer and work under two of the finest men I know, one being my husband. I do not own the affiliate. My husband is partners with another athlete but I proudly work there 7 days a week. In my spare time, of which I have very little, I write. And I network with other CrossFitters. I have been blessed to be able to get to know many athletes in our community. Everyone from housewives to Games athletes. And if I am lucky, I get my laundry done, my errands completed and bills paid. That is pretty much my day. And, I am of no use to you, you may think. Well, you are wrong.

I, Mr. Kelly, am the bread and butter of CrossFit. I go to work, I train, I coach and I love it. I am not a CrossFitter by name. I am a CrossFitter because it is my entire life. It is my passion. I'm not even that great at it. I am pretty average. But my above average love for the sport has helped make the success that I am today. I truly care for each and every person at our Box and for this community at large. I am not here to sell them shoes or supplements or meet sales quotas. I am here to make lives better. And, I do. Every damn day, sir.

We put our faith in Coach to allow affiliates to have the freedom to operate in a manner that best suits the athletes that work out at that affiliate. In giving us that freedom, he has given us the fuel for success. And, I resent Anthos Capitol trying to urinate in our gas tank.

I do not speak for our affiliate or any other affiliate. I speak for myself. I am a CrossFitter in my soul. I am not one in name only. Although I do not speak for anyone but myself, there are thousands who feel the same way. Thousands of us, Mr. Kelly. And we are the numbers on the paper that make the acquisition profitable.

Here is what I resent. I resent you thinking that we would believe that you want to be "hands off." I resent that you feel we are so stupid that we would believe such a statement. I resent that you feel our athlete's personal information is for sale. I am not a fool. You want to help us with "member billing and member communication"? I live in a rural area. We charge $30 for your first month-unlimited. Then, we charge some of the lowest prices for membership in our State. Did I just make Anthos vomit a little in it's mouth? I do not feel that we could continue that under your "hands-off" guidance.

If you really respected Coach Glassman, you would listen to his opinion on wanting Anthos Capitol part of CrossFit. And to all of the affiliates and CrossFitters who have stated that they do not want you involved. Or, do you feel we just don't know any better? You sure don't sound like a CrossFitter, Mr. Kelly.

And finally, I resent that you addressed me as Nicole. Please do not send me form letters feigning familiarity.  You are not my buddy. We did not do Fran together last week. You did not loan me a scoop of Progenex or get me a bucket when I last met Pukie. You are a business man trying to make a business deal. Do not send us letters pretending you are our buddy, Bryan. It is 'backdoor flattery' and it is condescending and unprofessional.I did not invite you to address me as Nicole, as we are not acquainted. I am Mrs. Smith or Ms. Smith. In any business situation, you would be addressed as Mr. Kelly unless and until I was invited to call you otherwise. I expect the same respect. 

Mr. Kelly, I truly wish the best for you personally, but I am not for sale. Nor is this community. I am a CrossFitter. Not a acquisition.

Respectfully, 

Nicole Scott Smith

P.S. For your convenience, you will find a copy of this letter at my blog Pantiesinawod.blogspot.com. 

UPDATE!!

When you tell a 34 year old that you will be posting your letter on the Internet, you can be damn sure he will respond. Here is the email:

Mrs. Smith, 

I apologize that I in any way made you feel disrespected. Throughout my career, I have been accustomed to immediately addressing and signing with first names. I understand what may be customary to me may not be universal. I did not mean in any way to be disrespectful. 

Also, I apologize that the generic response I sent may have made you feel your comments were marginalized. This was in no way my intention, my actual goal was to respond quickly to make you (and others) know that your emails were, in fact, read. 

I hope you know it was never my intention to disrespect you personally or marginalize your email. 

Bryan

Of course, he signed it Bryan. sigh.

Was it polite? Sure. But ask yourself this, CrossFitters...

Would he have responded if I hadn't said I was posting the letter to my blog?

Do you REALLY believe that he read your emails?

I don't.

And for the record, I still think it is condescending that anyone would assume that we would be so foolish as to be swayed by someone that approaches us like they are our 'buddy'. What kind of door to door vacuum salesman tactic is that? Are you telling me that when you are in a meeting or you are introduced to an important client-all clients are important, by the way-that it would behoove you to call them by their first name? You know, I get that you are trying to establish a "Hey, we're all friends here" vibe. But good manners are universal. Where the fuck do you live? I do not call my Doctor by his first name. I do not meet Military and say "Nice to meet you, Larry." And if I am invited to call someone in a business situation by their first name, you can be sure I sprinkle in some 'sir' or 'ma'am' in there. There are titles for a reason. Have some respect for yourself.

And on a related note, and I have said this before...Respect is commanded, not demanded. That is why we call Greg Glassman Coach. With a capitol C. And, I guess that is why you will always be a Bryan.

But, I am still calling you Mr. Kelly.

Oh, and I realize that fuck is not a polite word. But his is my blog and I will do as I please.

We're not buying it.

"Excuse me, I don't think there's anything wrong with the action on this piano..."

Sometimes, I finish last. I'm okay with that. But it has been a LONG time since I've been in what I call the "Circle of Trust." Do you know the Circle? The last one who finishes the WOD is surrounded by everyone else who has finished and they cheer that person on till they are done. Here is the thing....it's been a while since I've been that person. You forget how it feels.
Just because you finish last does not mean that you will be encompassed by the Circle of Trust. But if it is a gruelling WOD and people see you putting up a good fight to finish, the Circle will form.

We see it on every level of competition. You probably saw it happen numerous times while watching the Games last weekend. Remember this?

It happens to newbies, too. Who doesn't like a good fight? You just can't help but root for someone and in CrossFit, you can be last and still feel like you earned the Championship belt.

I went to the LivXFit Coaches Summit, which was great, btw.We had a workout every day. The last day was a partner WOD. Here was my sad strategy. It's fucking hot. All the dashboard pictures on Facebook should have told you that but in case you didn't know.....it's hot.

My strategy was to pick a partner who would be sympathetic to my crapulence. I chose Mary. She is not only a bad ass coach and CrossFitter but a mother to a beautiful baby. I figured she was dialed into sensitivity and perhaps a little sleep deprived. When it is hot, you are a 40 year old woman in a room with younger peeps and you are pretty sure you are the slowest in the pack, you pick strategically. So, I chose her. Because we were doing a cash out of double unders. And, I SUCK at those. We had to collect 250 to end the WOD. I put on my game hat.

Mary was a great partner and didn't mind that we were finishing last. She could get in 20 double unders but made sure that I put in my 10 each time. My sad single double single double single double 10. But, I did it. Now, 40 isn't old. It does not even qualify you for the Masters. But, I went into that WOD feeling freaking old and hot and cranky. Then, as I was stomping through those double unders, the Circle formed. And I felt that surge. They knew I was truly trying my best. And everyone loves a good fight. So that group of coaches stayed with us till the end. Cheering, encouraging and supporting. I finished last but didn't feel like a loser. The Circle of Trust is so genuine and truly almost magical. It's a highly concentrated grief support group. It's immediate and genuine camaraderie and it is one of the things that makes our community great. We help each other through our struggles. We help carry the emotional burden of a soul crushing WOD. As a coach, I may finish last sometimes because my weight is heavier or my movements are more complex. But, this was an even playing field. And it had been a long time since I was that person at the end. That person who you notice is still fighting after you have had time to catch your breath. That athlete that you form the Circle of Trust around and encourage. I'm really glad we finished last that day. The Circle of Trust is one of the foundations of our Community. And as a coach, if we don't go back to foundations every once in a while, we just may drift off the path. It may seem like an awful experience, finishing last in a group of your peers. It sounds worse to KNOW that you WILL be finishing last before you even begin. But it was a gratifying experience.

I often feel misread as an athlete. And a lot of times it is because of my own negative self-talk. I need to remember that the only way I should feel bad after a workout is if I gave up the fight. I'll take one in the jaw but get up and fight back! I feel like the old electric piano at Ray's Music Exchange in the Blues Brothers. I look like hell sometimes, but when played correctly, there is still some action in this piano. I'm lucky to be a member of this great CrossFit community. When pushed and encouraged and cared for, we can do more than we thought we could. And, feel good about the results, no matter where we finish. Even if you sometimes feel like an old, electric piano from Ray's.

Parents and coaches just don't understand...



It is so hard to be a parent. You want your child to like you, but your job is to parent first. I have a huge issue with parents who are so concerned with being their child's pal that they forget we are trying to raise decent human beings. Then, when the shit comes down, and it will, the child thinks the parent is a Nazi for wanting them to finally work at their full potential. If you parent right first, then the friendship will follow later. Naturally. That is why it is creepy when a 40 year old wants to hang with the 15 year old crowd. It is not natural. And in many scenarios, flirting with the darker edges of our legal system. Leaders, like parents, command respect. If you drop the ball there, then you have to start demanding respect. And, you sound like a douche.

Coaching is like that. Am I calling my athletes kids? Never. Am I saying that I do not want to be friends with our clients? You know that is not true. We have lots of fun outside of the Box. But, you do have to command respect while you are there. What is frustrating for me is when I am thought of as a hard ass or a bitch for believing in you. Don't make me the mean mom because I know you have another rep in you before we call time. I'm not some unfeeling person because I want you to get on the bar. I do not expect perfection in form. I'm not perfect. Many of you have skills that far exceed my own. But, I watch you and scores of others every day. And, I know how talented you are and I know your capabilities. So, when you are tired and down on yourself, I want to be there to tell you to get on the bar. Not only because it is MY JOB, but because whether you believe it or not, you CAN get one more burpee. You can attempt one more clean. You're exhausted. I am standing there with my coffee and am not. My perspective of time might just be more right on than yours at that moment in time. And, if you get one more today, you may get two more reps next month. I love my athletes. When you drop the bar, I still love you. No more or no less.

It took me a long time to see that the people who coach me don't care about me on a sliding scale. I remember crying during the Air Force WOD and actually saying "Stop yelling at me!" Did it occur to me at the time that they were yelling for me? That they could see that me feeling sorry for myself was actually outweighing my physical exhaustion? Of course not. I was the child in this scenario. Everyone was just being unrealistic. Mean. Don't they know I can't do this? Don't they know that I'm just not as good as everyone else? Why do they hate me? I've disappointed them. I bet they go home and talk about what a fucking waste of time it is to coach me.

And I have had countless other moments like that one. Every coach has had them. And if they say they haven't, they are fucking lying. I don't care who you are. You HAVE had that moment where you just wanted to quit and have the world swallow you whole, med ball and all, than hear another person tell you to "Go."

People may not always like to be pushed. But then, why do we CrossFit at a Box? Because we don't have equipment? You could buy it with what you pay in dues. Because there is no one to program your WOD? There is free programming everywhere on the Internet. No. We come because we need a push. We like the people. We want the results. And deep inside, we know they believe in us. And care for us unconditionally. Just like a family.

Just a little perspective on what is going on in my mind when I coach you. I don't want you walking out with any regrets. We have had people leave. That's life and that is fine. Go back to the gym. I guarantee that they will have the same issues with their body and their motivation in six months, but then they will have to find someone else to blame. And, I guaran-effing-tee it won't be themselves. Any program will be a success if you are willing to admit and face your weaknesses. The only difference between me and them is I admit mine, which are plentiful. Any deficits that I have in my skills and nutrition are my own fault. And wherever I go in life, my weaknesses go with me. But, I don't hide them. I'm an open book. And, I'm stronger for it.

Don't want to be pushed? Ever? Just tell me that-I don't care. Less shit for me to do. I will not take it personally and will focus solely on your safety and form instead. You've had a shitty day and just want to get your blood moving? Grand. I truly like you the same as I did the day before when you hit it hard, which is probably an awful lot. I don't judge. I have been there. But what I won't do is carry around the blame for your failures. You get in what you put in.

Just like a parent, I want to see you reach your full potential. Whether you like me or not today, I will keep believing in you. Because I am blessed by having you in my life and I truly love coaching. And that, my friends, is why I am probably the happiest, hard ass bitch you know.

“Victory is reserved for those who are willing to pay its price.”
- Sun Tzu

Can I get a little Grace?

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

 Definitions of Grace : 

* Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion.

* A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement.

* A sense of fitness or propriety.

* A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill.

* Mercy; clemency.

* A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence.

* A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve.

* Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people.

* The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God.

* An excellence or power granted by God.

* A short prayer of blessing or thanksgiving said before or after a meal.

* A  CrossFit workout consisting of 30 clean and jerks for time.

 

Normally, I don't struggle to write my blog.  I just turn off my filter and spew my thoughts on random subjects.  But this one is different.  I'm not often humbled, although I should be.  And often.  Everyone should.

We ramble on through our lives.  We get frustrated by the most foolish things.  The video I want to watch is taking over 7 seconds to load on YouTube.  I ripped my hands doing pull-ups.  I'm sore from my squats.  I burnt my bacon.  The driver in front of me is going too slow.  Did I mention I burnt my bacon?  I'm guilty of all these things.  Including the merciless slaying of salted pork strips.  I've let these things ruin segments of my day.  I have complained about these subjects.  I have, in my mind, regaled others with the tales of my woe.  Woe is freaking me.  I am a fool.  You probably are too.

So foolish are we to complain about burning our bacon, when we have bacon to burn.  Gas for our cars.  Money for entertaining ourselves on the interweb. :)  The physical ability to do pull-ups.  Squats.  To get out of bed.  To have someone to regal with our stupid tales and friends good enough to feign interest in them.  These are gifts.  I often forget that.

Why so introspective, Nicole?  I like your filthy-mouthed little blog.  Well, thank you.  I do too!  But, I probably will not get the chance to share with you such an experience again.  So, anything less than the utmost respect for the subject would be...well...disrespectful to the experience. 

10 year old Tanner Lager is suffering from Ewing Sarcoma cancer. His condition is terminal. Tanner is currently being cared for by his 23 year old sister, Savanna. Their parents are not in the picture.  They battle this alone.  Tanner and Savanna travel to St. Louis weekly for experimental treatments that could prolong his life for a few years. But, without these treatments, Tanner has only a few short months. Tanner is a fighter, despite his condition. These experimental treatments and the weekly 7 hour round trip drive to St. Louis are financially devastating for Savanna and her little brother Tanner.  It is a situation that few of us could fathom.  We are blessed to be able to do what we do.  It makes not being able to PR a lift seem foolish, now doesn't it?  Now, do you see what I mean?  This smiling guy is Tanner:

So often, we take part in participating in Hero WODs.  We do these to honor the sacrifices of the fallen.  Human beings who have acted heroically and sacrificed their lives, so that others may live.  But when do we really have the opportunity to celebrate heroism and sacrifice while that person is still fighting the battle?  To help lesson the weight on that warrior's shoulders.  To lighten the load for the family left behind.  Can you imagine it?  The chance to help the Hero.  Does the thought leave you breathless?  Humbled?  Truly, it was an emotion that we couldn't put into words.  But, we had an idea, skills and talents.  We have the gift of good health.  And we saw an opportunity.   Hemingway said that "Courage is grace under pressure".  So, at CrossFit SoMO, we took  the chance to embrace this opportunity and celebrate the heroism of a young man who is currently fighting a battle with the tenacity of a warrior.  And, to help his sister, who is sacrificing her young life to do what is only right.  This opportunity was called 'Grace' for Tanner. 

And so, the news spread.  CrossFit SoMO was doing a benefit for a little boy with terminal brain cancer.  "I want to help."  "I need to help."  "What can we do?"  It was extraordinary. We are not a large Box.  We are located in a small town.  But, we are part of a large community via Facebook.   Affiliates who knew about the event sent athletes.  People who could not attend did Grace at their Box and collected money from their athletes.  Everyone wanted to help lift this boy and his sister up.  To give them grace.  Athletes from CrossFit Natural State, Crossfit Strength and Honor and CrossFit Springfield joined us at CrossFit SoMO for the event.  People who couldn't do barbell work, used a PVC pipe.  People who came to watch gave donations.  The entry fee was whatever you wanted to give.  $5,340.00 was raised in 2 hours. 

I only know one person in that picture who has ever met Tanner.  One.  And, it isn't me.

 CrossFit Springfield, CrossFit West Plains, CrossFit 417 and Dropping Plates CrossFit did Grace, took donations at their Box and sent the donations to us.  This added $1,360.00.  Well over $6,000.00 was raised that day.  More donations came later.  Plus video submissions of Grace for Tanner at other Boxes.  And prayers.  I am always proud to be part of this community.  But on that day, I was humbled to stand beside those athletes.  For all of our differences as human beings, when people come together for such a worthy cause it intrinsically binds you as one.  It is like no other community I have ever known.  And when you take something as magical as a large group of people from all walks of life that want success for others as much as they want it for themselves and THEN direct that power towards a child in need....well, pardon my long, rambling sentence, but there aren't many other things as powerful as that.   These talents we possess, our strength, our workload capacity, our health-it is a gift.  We cannot thank everyone enough for sharing that gift with us during Grace for Tanner.

If you ask a CrossFitter to define Grace, some would say it is 30 clean and jerks for time.  Or, 30 ground to shoulder to overhead.  And, I guess that would have been our answer before this event.  I feel confident that if you asked any one of us to define Grace now, you may get a different answer. 

As we approach the Open, take time to appreciate your gifts.  When you walk into the Box today, remind yourself that no matter what your time is, no matter the weight on the bar, you are one of the fortunate, for you have been given Grace.

The Facebook p#ssed me off today...

"I don't need CrossFit.  I just need to deadlift and snatch, but not CrossFit.  Oh, and wallballs, but with my ball, not a Reebok ball.  And no CrossFit.  I will do double-unders and pull-ups, though.  And thrusters.  21-15-9 thrusters and pull-ups, but not Fran.  And that's all I need, too....."

CrossFit is not a right.  It is a free website with free programming. While it is community driven, CrossFit is not a government. These are not elected officials.  They are smart, talented and driven people who do one hell of a job.   It is one of the fastest growing fitness businesses.  You can't vote the people who run CrossFit off the island.  You could sit in paleo chair and occupy a Box for change, but the real CrossFitters would just get annoyed.  Or, they would make you a functional part of our community and jump over you repeatedly Junkyard dog style.  Either way, who would bring you your grass fed paleo jerky? 

So, what is with all the haters STILL complaining about Reebok?  Look, I'd be pissed too if the company fell to shit, but it has flourished.  For people who are interested in numbers, stats and pr's, this fact seems to be disregarded. 

That being said...

If you don't like CrossFitting, don't do it.  BUT, please don't do it and constantly bitch about it.  It makes you sound like a hypocrite.  Reebok is doing an amazing job promoting CrossFit.  Your bitching about it does the opposite.  I figured that out and I'm not a business communications major.  Plus, my Fran time sucks.  Oh, and without an economics major, I have managed to deduce that better quality clothing costs a little bit more.  Funny complaints from people who probably own a stockpile of Lulu...  If you are grassroots or pre-Reebok like me, you have an assload of old school CrossFit shirts-wear them.  They are still awesome!  CrossFitters have more tee-shirts than 5k running enthusiasts!  But, back to Reebok.  I wouldn't care if their symbol was a little steaming pile of poo, if I could wear it in the Games.  Find me one TRUE story about an athlete qualifying for the Games and saying they won't compete because they have to wear a corporate logo uniform.  One.

If you think the movements are bullshit or dangerous, do your own thing.  You can call it SteveFit or whatever your name is.  And, you can make $15 tee shirts that say 'Infidel' or 'Your workout is Steve's warm-up' or whatever you want.  But, don't urinate in my community pool because you don't like that a little triangle is on some clothes.  When you do, that makes you look like a 'little triangle'.  If that play on words went over your head, little triangle is an euphemism for little pussy. 

                    

Oh, and see you later, Drywall.  Whenever I think of little triangles, I will remember you.