This one's for all my single friends....

Mother of God...

Many of you have talked to me about finding love. You have also talked to me about your hopes in that person being a CrossFitter. And you wonder about the other single CrossFitters you meet. And you ask me very intense questions regarding them. Don't talk to me anymore about this shit. I only care if you are happy while you are in my class, safe while you are in my class and that you are going below parallel while using the proper range of motion. I assume that if you are doing these 3 things, it will bleed over into other parts of your life and you will find happiness. Not that I don't care about you personally. I do.

I really did like that picture you posted of the guy at the BBQ: 

I truly LOL'd at your post regarding cats:

I do care! 

But all the answers about the single people at the Box are right in

 front of you. You just need to pay attention.

Someone tickles your fancy? Watch them. Psychologically, the Box is a fascinating place. Here are some things to look for when investigating a potential mate:

*Are they a chalk whore? Chalk does not make you stronger. It enhances your grip. You do not need it for GHD's, wallballs, double unders or push ups. I have seen people chalk for all of these. Excessive chalking is usually an excuse for resting and will cause you to rip more easily. Chalk doesn't need to go up to your elbows. You do not need to slap your hands together with grande flair after chalking. It gets chalk everywhere and you look like a colossal tool. Chalk whores are messy people. Unless they clean that stuff up after class-without being told-you may want to think twice. I can make a Scarface joke and they will laugh and clean it up. It is funny coming from me. Not so fun coming from you when they leave crumbs and dirty pans all over your kitchen in a few months. I don't care if you did a sub-3 Fran or made a souffle. No matter how awesome the end result, no one likes cleaning up another adults mess. Unless, of course, you get off on that. If so, go for it!

*Do they mark their territory?

"This is my spot. It's mine. LOL! My WOD will be ruined if I move. LOL......not really. I'm being serious. It's mine. Fuck off."

Some people need to use the same pull up bar, lifting station, rower or bar every time. They HOARD chalk buckets. They build a WOD fortress of solitude around their area. Their own chalk-no sharesies. Water bottle, just so. A towel. A system and the tools needed to mark rounds. All laid out to their liking. We all do that to a degree, right?  But wait till someone screws with the perimeter of the fortress or there is a sudden change and they need to use the short bar, tall bar, lifting station with the green plates or the rower that has taped handles. They can still WOD, but we will all hear about why it wasn't a success or pr. Now imagine buying the wrong laundry detergent for this person. Does it still clean clothing? Yes. But you're gonna hear why it doesn't do it as well or smell as fresh as their brand. I hope you have 32 loads worth of patience. Or move into their apartment. Sorry. It will always be their apartment. You can live there for 5 years and it will not matter. And you better not rearrange the furniture to surprise them. SURPRISE! Here comes the crazy train. CHOOO!! CHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

 If they are 5'10" and huff about moving to a higher bar when it is needed for the athlete who is 4'11", imagine mattress shopping with them.

*Are they a nutrition Nazi? Yes, we all need to eat whole foods and eat reasonable portions, but nutrition for optimal performance must be personalized and tweaked. What works for Jack may not work for Jill.  And the last person who guilted me about a cookie before dinner was my Mommy and Daddy. I am now an adult. Who's your Daddy should mean something different these days. Parent/child dynamics between adults are unhealthy. Some people are paleo. Some people are Zone and some eat clean. Some are 100% and some eat 80/20. But we are all adults. Observe these points:  Do they look down at others who count Zone blocks or eat cheese? Do they offer the advice that if you would cut out gluten completely, you WILL pr your snatch? Do they say "I told you so!" if you don't? Do they blame every ache, pain, cold, change of weather, tax law and voting preference on what people consume? Do they not find this video funny?

Then run. Seriously. Life is short. Lighten up. Sometimes, you just want to motorboat a Blizzard.
And if they want their mommy's opinion, they will pick up the phone. Don't hate.

* Does she hate booty shorts? This is for you guys.  Listen for these remarks:
"Jane is like, sooo sweet. But I hate the way she does pull-ups. And she grunts when she squats. Do you think she knows her butt is that big? Poor Jane."
 "But, it was a 250lb. back squat?!?!" you say.
"Yeah.....she sounds totally gross. I feel sorry for her. Because she's so sweet."
Translated: Jane is hot. And strong as f*ck. I'm jealous.

You have two choices. You can run the other way or validate your lady till this behavior goes away. Both are effective.

Let me tell you something, ladies....and hear me well.....
THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE HOTTER AND/OR STRONGER THAN YOU AT THE GYM! AND SINCE STRONG AND CONFIDENT IS HOT, LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING. YEAH, THAT DOES SUCK. SO BE QUIET.

Men aren't stupid. But you sound stupid when you say things like that. You will be jealous of other women. I can assure you of that. But it is so much sexier if you stay confident in yourself and appreciate the other ladies in the gym. You cant cast a cloud over their pr's. Don't even try. He may admire her strength and even her beauty, but he likes you! Remember that. Your comments don't change the whiteboard and guys like stats. Period. Be proud of YOUR work and it will show in other ways.  I swear, it may even make you pr. Oh and if you are dating someone at the Box, don't compare their time to anyone of the same sex. Anyone. Trust me, they already know who beat them.

I'm married to a CrossFitter. I cannot imagine it any other way. No one else will ever understand how bad it stings to shampoo your hair with torn hands or what your legs feel like after a 400m walking lunge. Or why you would do those things in the first place and why you love it so much. Or what Fran cough is and why it sucks. It's pretty much awesome. That being said, I still won't set you up with other single athletes or be your wing man at the Box. That is a pr you'll have to go for on your own.