They #@% you at the drive-thru

 I don't know how to trust anymore.

But, I want to change that. 

Does anyone else feel this way?

I've had several people ask if I would write about trust and relationships and I haven't because I shouldn't write about something that I don't know how to do.

 Right?

Unless writing about not knowing how to trust is what they meant? If so, hang on to your ass, Fred! We're getting into this.

Of this subject, I am an expert.

I wasn't always this way and I am not like this on every level. My friend Tiffany knows the code to my front door. I send my daughter to the mall with my credit card. I don't always check my bag before leaving the drive-thru.

I trust, damn it.

But do I trust in romantic relationships?

Well, I want to. 

I am trying really hard. Especially now.

I want to give a man the same trust that I give to the Arby's drive-thru.

I gave my full trust and heart to my marriage. But in return, I stopped trusting myself. I ignored my instincts. And then I misplaced them. That's a really bad thing to lose. It left me completely confused about reality.

And damn it, what if it's permanent?

Where are they?

Probably having shots with my trust, laughing and enjoying their hiatus.

Do I trust men or do they constantly have other lines cast out into the water "just in case"? And if they do, does that mean that I am not enough for someone? When I am interested in a man, I stop entertaining the idea of others. I don't message other men. I focus. Otherwise, how do you know? But do men do this too? 

I feel like that is the biggest thing you deal with after any kind of breakup. Wondering why your 100% wasn't satisfying enough for someone?

That's my biggest fear right now. Second only to the fear that the feeling won't ever go away.

OR...

Do I trust myself or do I constantly lie to myself because being single and dating people for a week is just easier than opening up and trusting again? That's a hard truth.  Because people aren't bad. They're just not perfect. And I get scared too easily.

I've never been a "check the bag at the drive-thru" kinda girl. Not on an order for myself. I just trust and go.

Joe Pesci would be so pissed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V66XdulPrBM

And he's right. They can.

Here you are, miles away and you are either the person who goes back or you eat the thing and wish you had what you wanted in the 1st place.

Or you go in and order, make sure it's right and leave with a guarantee that what you need is in the bag. But you go in because you don't fully trust. At some point, we need to let go and trust. Not at the beginning but eventually. Doubt Town. That is nowhere to permanently live. 

That is life in a nutshell. 

When do you start to trust completely? It's the most freeing and beautiful thing about a relationship, drive-thru or romantic. The convenience to letting go of doubt. 

You know what's the tits? Those random weird fries at the bottom of the bag. The one or two waffle or curly fries when you ordered seasoned fries? You didn't even know that you wanted one but when the universe tosses one in...well, if that doesn't give you a natural high then we can't be friends. And normally, that happens only at the drive-thru.

That's what I want.

I want to trust someone enough to have the reciprocal relationship that I have with Arby's. An equal partnership. I won't underpay and hopefully, they won't short me either. And in return for that trust, the universe will throw me the occasional curly fry to remind me that I'm alive.