Emotional Condoms

We live in a time where "Dating Desperation" is at an all-time high.

All the apps, having someone to spend the evening with so that we can post pics of our plates and drinks, selfie and tag.

And keep at an arm's distance, emotionally.

Because perception has become more important than the connection.

To most of us. 

But to those who are actually looking for someone to cultivate a life with, it sucks.

And we're all sharing the same space.

I think it makes us settle. 

I don't like to settle.

I like to win.

(Shocker)

After ending 24 years of marriage, I haven't been shy about putting myself out there. I trust easily and I am easily trusted which is part of my charm and my eventual demise in all things men. 

I am a full-time parent.

 I was messaging with a guy and he was like, "WYD?" 

"Hanging out with my daughter."

"What are you doing after that?"

Dude...there IS no after that. I'm her mom. 

My daughter is gone for 42 hours, every two weeks. 

42 hours. 

5 pm on Friday till 11am on Sunday.

Do you know how hard it is to cultivate a relationship with someone with so little time?

It is impossible.

It sucks, actually.

Or, try keeping them engaged for 2 weeks until you can go out and have a date where you lose track of time talking because you truly enjoy each other's company? 

I don't normally have that luxury.

That time we all loved in college when we had few responsibilities.

Late night talks at Denny's and parks.

Talks on our crappy hand-me-down couches in our 1st apartments.

That kind of time.

The stuff that cultivates beginnings.

I love that stuff.

The attention span of today's dating pool is mosquito level, at best. Because there are tons of other women who are readily available to go out and do things more quickly than I am.

Sure, I go to lunches and dinners. And movies with guys. Out for drinks. But, I can't invite them in to just hang out and talk. All those things that happen in a natural progression of a relationship. All that good, face to face stuff. Hanging out. Making dinner. Listening to music. Watching movies. 

I have a roommate. She is a high school senior and ALWAYS home. 

My sweet little home which I love but has zero privacy to talk to other adults. 

 And, because people have the retention and attention span of gnats, I am not inviting anyone in to talk during my 42 hours because at that point, they're new to me and I'm not that stupid.

Also, before you get your all-knowing panties in a wad over what I just said, let's clear up an important point:

  I am honored to be a mom and I am a damn good one so don't think I feel inconvenienced or otherwise. I wouldn't change my life right now. If I need to choose one way or the other, I choose this.

Venting is human.

But back to the subject at hand---the dreaded "catching feelings".

This is where most men and women seem to linger now. They want to date regularly, play house, text good morning and good night. 

But they don't want commitment.

And they're upfront about it.

They wear an emotional condom. So they can enjoy life but not contract feelings.
I don't wear one. Stifles the sensitivity. 

My question is why?

What is it that makes people want to stifle the natural progression of nature?

Is it to keep all of their options open for later while concurrently being satisfied in the present? 

(By the way, that is a huge F you to anyone you're dating regularly. You might just be a dick. Know thyself.)

Is it to protect yourself because you've been hurt?

I want to know.

 Because all things go back to Star Wars and other geeky movies like Jurassic Park, I think about how Jeff Goldblum's character, the fantastic Dr. Ian Malcolm lectures the dangers of disrupting nature. We foolishly think that we are in charge. 

Note, foolishly. 

And while we cannot avoid the disruptions or even change them, we never remember that "Life finds a way."

Nature is one bad ass MF.

We will adapt to a new normal. 

The question is, will this cause destruction or improve society?

While I am forever in search for the man who wants to be monogamous and eat grilled cheese sandwiches with me in my kitchen at 2am while watching Empire Strikes Back, I am like everyone else, adapting.

But I still want to know why?

Why are people so desperate to connect with others and yet they don't want to "catch feelings"?

A term that has launched a thousand memes.

What is your theory?

Are we screwed?

Am I a dinosaur? Thrust into a world in which I am found fascinating and yet simultaneously, I don't feel like I belong? In the wrong era?

Thoughts? There are no wrong ones and I welcome yours.