I write to you with hemorrhoid cream on my hands. Because, along with shoes and the Games Site, as a Crossfitter, I obsess about my hands.
Everyone who is competing in the Open will be obsessed with 'hand health' this fortnight. Some industrious athlete out there is probably marketing a shirt that says "I survived 11.5 and 11.6 and all I got was this lousy flesh wound." Toes to bar then chest to bar pull-ups?!?!?!?!?! Let the posting of the bloody hand pictures begin now.....
I, BTW, have only posted one hand tear picture in the last 2 years. It wasn't a bloody one. Just a flapper skin tear. Our daughter, who was 9 at the time, tore her hands on the new pull-up bars. Mommy and me pic. below.......
And yet, we've never had a professional family portrait taken.
I do have an awesome 11.5 power clean bruise picture.
But, back to hands and the Open.
I'm an average Jane CrossFitter. I'm competing in the Open with 1 goal in mind-I don't want to scale. Plus, as you know from previous posts, I'm dating Crossfit-it's getting serious. Third base serious. I think that there are a lot of athletes in the Open who are competing for themselves. I have an imaginary emotional Leaderboard and I'm in the top 5, so far. Yay me! Especially, because I have NEVER been able to do more than 6 or 7 toes to bar touches in a WOD. I've always been scaled to 'attempts' and even then, success alluded me most of the time.
My first attempt of the WOD left me thrilled with my mediocrity-2 rounds, plus 5 power cleans and 8 toes to bar. You have to understand that being able to touch those bars with my toes 28 times is big shit in my world. Plus, since my epic score of 1 point in WOD 11.3, I had some issues with the thought of power cleaning 100lbs. 11.3 was 110lbs, and I only cleaned it once in the 5 minutes. I did pr in how many times one can say "mother f-cker" and "c-ck sucker" in a WOD. It's on the whiteboard. :) Since my Olympic Lifting Cert., I haven't had that problem. The weight went up easily. Thanks, Oly Cert. Crew!!!!!!
My second attempt of 11.5, I pr'd by 49 reps. That's 4 rounds, and some change. I almost doubled my score! I beat Sir Charles! I "chose the wrench" (see http://www.daiglebreathesfire.com/2010/12/choose-wrench.html) and then broke it off in 11.5's ass, cause that is how I roll.:)
As CrossFitters, even average ones like myself(statistically speaking, of course ;) ), we forget how amazing it is. What we accomplish in a WOD is more than the average person could do. Your workout is our warm-up, as we say. During attempt one, I said "I'm just happy to be healthy enough to CrossFit rx'd. Every toes to bar after the 1st one is icing on the cupcake." And, I meant it. But, if someone tapped me on the shoulder and said "Hey, were going to run 5 miles and then do deadlifts till we shit ourselves-for time." I could do it easily-and be like "Hell yeah!" And, I could still go home and make dinner for my family. It wouldn't be an epic day in my personal history. It would be, like, a Wednesday. We forget that the rest of the world does not do this. I almost doubled my 11.5. In the Crossfit world, 4+ rounds.....meh. But in the regular world.....even on the 4+ rounds level, we are Forging Elite Fitness. God, why isn't EVERYONE doing this? All those years on the Stairmaster and with my 5lb. hand weights? Not eating carbs or fats. People are out there buying shoes that they think will make their ass look better by just walking around. Taking pills mixed with baby elephant umbilical cord blood and whale semen, or whatever the fuck it is, to lose weight. It's really fucking crazy out there, and it's like we are the only sane ones in the room. We forget what it is like to be 'average fit'. It's desperate and a little sad. There's a great program out there, folks. And, It's FREE! Or, join an affiliate. I could blow my monthly cost on CrossFit by just purchasing crappy food-easy. Long rambling paragraph short, I loved 11.5! I plan to do all the WOD's again in 6 months to mark my progress.
Wasn't I supposed to be talking about something else.......
Oh, right. I have hemorrhoid cream on my fingers.
SO, before my 2nd attempt of 11.5, I noticed I still had blisters on my fingers from attempt one ......well, crap. And it occurred to me that these little fluid filled menaces would be popping open during the WOD, so I put band aids on them and told them "Company's coming!" I knew more blisters were in my near future. After the WOD, I went to the drugstore and bought some extra-strength hemorrhoid cream and Epsom salt. After the long, bubble bath with the Epsom salts(which draw out soreness and swelling), I put the cream on my hands. And I've been doing that since Saturday. My hands look pretty great! Really, I thought, what is the difference? This cream relieves pain, swelling and temporarily shrinks hemorrhoid tissue. Your hand skin, let's hope, is much less sensitive that your ass. What can it hurt? So, I'm using it. I need my hands to be in good shape. I'm hoping for a chest to bar miracle. Not since 11.1(fucking 11.1....) have I dreaded that 'scaled' box on the submission page. Even with a band-A BAND- chest to bar screws me every time. I have not tried them in about 2 months. Let's hope they're easier for me this time-I've been working pretty hard. Also, I've been watching some inspirational videos...
As CrossFitters, even average ones like myself(statistically speaking, of course ;) ), we forget how amazing it is. What we accomplish in a WOD is more than the average person could do. Your workout is our warm-up, as we say. During attempt one, I said "I'm just happy to be healthy enough to CrossFit rx'd. Every toes to bar after the 1st one is icing on the cupcake." And, I meant it. But, if someone tapped me on the shoulder and said "Hey, were going to run 5 miles and then do deadlifts till we shit ourselves-for time." I could do it easily-and be like "Hell yeah!" And, I could still go home and make dinner for my family. It wouldn't be an epic day in my personal history. It would be, like, a Wednesday. We forget that the rest of the world does not do this. I almost doubled my 11.5. In the Crossfit world, 4+ rounds.....meh. But in the regular world.....even on the 4+ rounds level, we are Forging Elite Fitness. God, why isn't EVERYONE doing this? All those years on the Stairmaster and with my 5lb. hand weights? Not eating carbs or fats. People are out there buying shoes that they think will make their ass look better by just walking around. Taking pills mixed with baby elephant umbilical cord blood and whale semen, or whatever the fuck it is, to lose weight. It's really fucking crazy out there, and it's like we are the only sane ones in the room. We forget what it is like to be 'average fit'. It's desperate and a little sad. There's a great program out there, folks. And, It's FREE! Or, join an affiliate. I could blow my monthly cost on CrossFit by just purchasing crappy food-easy. Long rambling paragraph short, I loved 11.5! I plan to do all the WOD's again in 6 months to mark my progress.
Oh, right. I have hemorrhoid cream on my fingers.
SO, before my 2nd attempt of 11.5, I noticed I still had blisters on my fingers from attempt one ......well, crap. And it occurred to me that these little fluid filled menaces would be popping open during the WOD, so I put band aids on them and told them "Company's coming!" I knew more blisters were in my near future. After the WOD, I went to the drugstore and bought some extra-strength hemorrhoid cream and Epsom salt. After the long, bubble bath with the Epsom salts(which draw out soreness and swelling), I put the cream on my hands. And I've been doing that since Saturday. My hands look pretty great! Really, I thought, what is the difference? This cream relieves pain, swelling and temporarily shrinks hemorrhoid tissue. Your hand skin, let's hope, is much less sensitive that your ass. What can it hurt? So, I'm using it. I need my hands to be in good shape. I'm hoping for a chest to bar miracle. Not since 11.1(fucking 11.1....) have I dreaded that 'scaled' box on the submission page. Even with a band-A BAND- chest to bar screws me every time. I have not tried them in about 2 months. Let's hope they're easier for me this time-I've been working pretty hard. Also, I've been watching some inspirational videos...
As we enter the last week of the Open, I encourage everyone to play hard. Play fair. Remember that 11.6 IS NOT FRAN, it's her just bitchy cousin from SoCal. And, let your haters light a fire under your ass. Want it more than the next guy. Think outside of the box(I'm rubbing butt cream on my hands, for cripes sake!) and rip this week a new one!
No comments:
Post a Comment