It puts the lotion in the basket......

I write to you with hemorrhoid cream on my hands.  Because, along with shoes and the Games Site, as a Crossfitter, I obsess about my hands.

Everyone who is competing in the Open will be obsessed with 'hand health' this fortnight.  Some industrious athlete out there is probably marketing a shirt that says "I survived 11.5 and 11.6 and all I got was this lousy flesh wound."  Toes to bar then chest to bar pull-ups?!?!?!?!?!  Let the posting of the bloody hand pictures begin now.....

I, BTW, have only posted one hand tear picture in the last 2 years.  It wasn't a bloody one.  Just a flapper skin tear.  Our daughter, who was 9 at the time, tore her hands on the new pull-up bars.  Mommy and me pic. below.......

And yet, we've never had a professional family portrait taken.

I do have an awesome 11.5 power clean bruise picture.

But, back to hands and the Open.

I'm an average Jane CrossFitter.  I'm competing in the Open with 1 goal in mind-I don't want to scale.  Plus, as you know from previous posts, I'm dating Crossfit-it's getting serious.  Third base serious.  I think that there are a lot of athletes in the Open who are competing for themselves.  I have an imaginary emotional Leaderboard and I'm in the top 5, so far.  Yay me!  Especially, because I have NEVER been able to do more than 6 or 7 toes to bar touches in a WOD.  I've always been scaled to 'attempts' and even then, success alluded me most of the time.

My first attempt of the WOD left me thrilled with my mediocrity-2 rounds, plus 5 power cleans and 8 toes to bar.  You have to understand that being able to touch those bars with my toes 28 times is big shit in my world.  Plus, since my epic score of 1 point in WOD 11.3, I had some issues with the thought of power cleaning 100lbs.  11.3 was 110lbs, and I only cleaned it once in the 5 minutes.  I did pr in how many times one can say "mother f-cker" and  "c-ck sucker" in a WOD.  It's on the whiteboard.  :) Since my Olympic Lifting Cert., I haven't had that problem.  The weight went up easily.  Thanks, Oly Cert. Crew!!!!!!

My second attempt of 11.5, I pr'd by 49 reps.  That's 4 rounds, and some change.  I almost doubled my score!  I beat Sir Charles!  I "chose the wrench" (see http://www.daiglebreathesfire.com/2010/12/choose-wrench.html) and then broke it off in 11.5's ass, cause that is how I roll.:) 
As CrossFitters, even average ones like myself(statistically speaking, of course ;) ), we forget how amazing it is.   What we accomplish in a WOD is more than the average person could do.  Your workout is our warm-up, as we say.   During attempt one, I said "I'm just happy to be healthy enough to CrossFit rx'd.  Every toes to bar after the 1st one is icing on the cupcake." And, I meant it.  But, if someone tapped me on the shoulder and said "Hey, were going to run 5 miles and then do deadlifts till we shit ourselves-for time." I could do it easily-and be like "Hell yeah!"  And, I could still go home and make dinner for my family.  It wouldn't be an epic day in my personal history.  It would be, like, a Wednesday.  We forget that the rest of the world does not do this.   I almost doubled my 11.5.  In the Crossfit world, 4+ rounds.....meh.  But in the regular world.....even on the 4+ rounds level, we are Forging Elite Fitness.  God, why isn't EVERYONE doing this?  All those years on the Stairmaster and with my 5lb. hand weights?  Not eating carbs or fats.  People are out there buying shoes that they think will make their ass look better by just walking around.  Taking pills mixed with baby elephant umbilical cord blood and whale semen, or whatever the fuck it is, to lose weight.  It's really fucking crazy out there, and it's like we are the only sane ones in the room.  We forget what it is like to be 'average fit'.  It's desperate and a little sad.  There's a great program out there, folks.  And, It's FREE!  Or, join an affiliate.  I could blow my monthly cost on CrossFit by just purchasing crappy food-easy.  Long rambling paragraph short, I loved 11.5!  I plan to do all the WOD's again in 6 months to mark my progress.

Wasn't I supposed to be talking about something else.......
Oh, right.  I have hemorrhoid cream on my fingers.
SO, before my 2nd attempt of 11.5, I noticed I still had blisters on my fingers from attempt one ......well, crap.  And it occurred to me that these little fluid filled menaces would be popping open during the WOD, so I put band aids on them and told them "Company's coming!"  I knew more blisters were in my near future.  After the WOD, I went to the drugstore and bought some extra-strength hemorrhoid cream and Epsom salt.  After the long, bubble bath with the Epsom salts(which draw out soreness and swelling), I put the cream on my hands.  And I've been doing that since Saturday.  My hands look pretty great!  Really, I thought, what is the difference?  This cream relieves pain, swelling and temporarily shrinks hemorrhoid tissue.  Your hand skin, let's hope, is much less sensitive that your ass.  What can it hurt?  So, I'm using it.  I need my hands to be in good shape.  I'm hoping for a chest to bar miracle.  Not since 11.1(fucking 11.1....) have I dreaded that 'scaled' box on the submission page.  Even with a band-A BAND- chest to bar screws me every time.  I have not tried them in about 2 months.  Let's hope they're easier for me this time-I've been working pretty hard.  Also, I've been watching some inspirational videos...

As we enter the last week of the Open, I encourage everyone to play hard.  Play fair.  Remember that 11.6 IS NOT FRAN, it's her just bitchy cousin from SoCal.  And, let your haters light a fire under your ass.  Want it more than the next guy. Think outside of the box(I'm rubbing butt cream on my hands, for cripes sake!) and rip this week a new one! 

How long will you CrossFit?

Suck it, Wahlberg.

I'm 39.  I've been CrossFitting for 2 years.  I wish I had started in my teens.  Once CFHQ gets all the glitches worked out of the Games site, perhaps they could start working on a time machine, so that we could make that happen.  OK?  Thanks.

 Of course, considering the general lack of appreciation I had of my younger, much less complicated body, my youthful impatience and my steady 90's diet of Zima, IHOP pancakes and Camel Light 100's, I probably wouldn't have done as well as I do now.

But, I've always been one of those people who has to learn stuff the hard way.  Like move your face out of the way and the bar won't hit it so much.  Or, really tear up the tendons in my fingers by hitting them on the box before I learned to get them the fuck out of the way on a box jump.  Stretch.  Then, stretch again.  Scale the weight and then with hard work and some time, go for the RX'd weight.  Failure today doesn't mean fail tomorrow.   Life has been a little like my view on country music:  You have to go through some shit before you can appreciate it.

How awesome are you?  Too awesome.

Look,  I'm not against Mr. Awesome here.  I get it.  And, he is super important too.  Notice the bluetooth-someone may be trying to reach him to say "Hey, those shirts are awesome-both of them." 

"Dude, I know.  Got the collars popped and the gun show locked and loaded.  POW!"

But, even when doing bicep curls(insert snicker here), it's dangerous for "your awesomeness" to be your focus in the gym.  You need to check Mr. or Miss Awesome at the door and walk in as Joe or Judy CrossFitter. 

But Nicole, you say, I'm not a giant fucktard.  Good.  One less thing.....

But what about your trainer?  Because I feel, and it's my blog and therefore my opinion, that your training is a big factor in how long you can CrossFit.

We are now finishing Week 4 of the Open and I'll admit it.....I'm all kinds of hot for CrossFit this week.  Thank you for the overhead squats, HQ!  Thank you for the tasty little videos and articles on the Games site.  I'm leaderboarding all the time.  Thanks Kevin Daigle for the phrase "Leaderboarding".  Now we have a term for our obsession. 

I saw a video on the site that really sucked for me to watch.  The athlete being judged did well.  That wasn't it.  It was the person in the background working with a weight that was WAY too much for them to handle.   Shit, it hurt my knees just watching it.  But, it was filmed at a Globo-Gym, not an affiliate.  An affiliate wouldn't allow that crap.

She had a 45# bar and 10# plates.  She was doing OHS.  She stumbled forward and backward, arms akimbo, at times.   Her knees were all over the place and she never even went parallel, let alone below the crease of the hip.  That episode of "Seinfeld" where Elaine dances....yeah, it was like that.

You know that box where it says "That doesn't seem right."  I wish THAT girl had a box to check.  But, she didn't.  The judge in the video was a trainer at the Globo-Gym, though.  How do I know this?  Well, besides from the occasional super-douchey chin pops of approval he gave the terrible overhead squatter, he just projected it.  You know the guy.  Back in the '90's, when I was Jazzercising off my Zima and pancakes, guys like this were wearing their do-rags and these pants:

And, they were praising Van Hagar. There is only ONE Van Halen.  One.  And, the lead singer is David Lee Roth.  Period.

This girl in the video, if she is dabbling in CrossFit, needs to find a trainer who cares about her health, form and someone who is willing to scale her to an appropriate weight.  She is gonna get hurt.  Her joints, muscles...everything! is at risk.  Her CrossFit career will be short-lived.  I wanted to give her a PVC pipe.  I wanted the trainer to do burpees till he learned to not be so irresponsible.  Trainers like this drastically shorten an athlete's window of opportunity to enjoy a sport.  Life is so short.

Hey, do I get excited when I have an athlete rock out lifts at a challenging weight ?  YES!  Does it make me feel great? YES!  YES!   But, that doesn't make me Queen Awesomesauce. 

Some trainers are like the asshole parents at Little League games.  Little Johnny hits a home run, so they think THEY'VE scored.  

How can you keep this from happening to you?  Well, first find a trainer that is willing to firmly but respectfully tell you "No." when you are going for a weight that you simply can't handle PROPERLY.  A good trainer will do that.  And, anyone that has ever spent some quality time squatting with a PVC pipe will tell you that you will still get "wicked sore" with that white plastic devil.  And, once you learn how to do it properly, then you can start going up in weight.

Generally, you won't have this problem with a CrossFit trainer at a registered affiliate.  A Level-1 at an affiliate has a lot riding on his or her reputation, including the good name of the affiliate.  Don't pay a trainer who isn't employed by an affiliate to train you in the CrossFit methodology.  They can train you for free, but to accept money for CrossFit training without being under the umbrella of a registered affiliate is against the trainer agreement that they signed and is basically piracy.  And, you deserve better than that.

There are a lot of garage gym and independent athletes out there rocking the open!  The garage gym is one of the solid pieces in the foundation of our community.  And, they turn out some top-notch CrossFitters!  Mikko Salo for one.  They get their direction and training from Mainsite and I applaud them.  CrossFit has one of the best free instructional video libraries around.  College students, moms, dads, grandparents......GRANDPARENTS!!!  Are you watching the Masters?  Holy crap!  You sure don't get there by trying to be Barry Big Balls on day 4.  These people have been training carefully and responsibly for years.  And with the current caliber of athletes that we are seeing, can you IMAGINE the Masters in about 10 years?!   A good athlete, who is properly trained in the fundamentals, can excel well into their 60's and older.  We're seeing it now.

So, enjoy!  Here comes Week 5......and I smell pull-ups on the horizon.  But please, for the love of all things good, take care of yourselves.  Dig in.  Fight for it.  Strive to be the best you have ever been.  DEMAND excellence from yourself.  And treat yourself and the program with respect.  Don't you deserve it?  Damn right, you do.  Go get 'em, Honey Badgers!

 

Yay Burpees!!!!!!!!!! or I'm dating CrossFit.

Me and Coach Mike Burgener-thank God he has a sense of humor.

I went this past weekend to an Olympic Lifting Certification.  How timely, as my week 3 Open WOD totally sucked.  I got a clean.  One.  No jerk.   I felt like an ass.

Now, I am strong.  I am.  But, my technique stunk that day.  Duh, you say.  You got one.  You can deadlift heavy.  You pull your ass up in pull-ups.  It was only 110#.  WTF, Nicole?

I had wished it was going to be overhead squats, back squats, front squats.  Squats, please.  Perhaps a row.  But, even when I read the WOD, I never thought that I couldn't do it.  Yes, it was pretty close to my one rep. max, but damn....

At least I didn't have to check the box for scaling.

Stay on the positive side, right?

Right.

Because that is how I chose to approach The Open.  Look, I knew going in that I wouldn't get in the top 60 in my region.  So, why not try to enjoy the WODs and use this time to remember why I love CrossFit in the first place?  So, I am dating CrossFit.

That's right.  Dating.  I will go for the worst pun ever and call it my "Open" relationship with CrossFit.  You see, I had settled into a routine.  I didn't want to try new things.  I read the WODs like a to-do list.  I went through the motions.   Some of the things that I used to find attractive about CrossFit were now getting on my nerves.  I just wanted to coach-Gosh, I love coaching-and that was kind of it.  If you were to compare the direction that I was going in to a bad marriage, I was leaning towards staying in it for the kids sake.  The kids being the coaching aspect.

Did I still love CrossFit?  Yes!  Holy smokes, YES!!!  I was just in a funk.  I studied so hard for my Level one Cert. and then ran my half-marathon a month later.  I had 'empty nest syndrome'.  Worse yet, I was starting to remind myself of the people who irritate me.   You know, like the people who post crap on Mainsite like "Why is Pat Sherwood wearing Reebok Zigs?  He wouldn't be allowed to lift at my Box in those." or "Why did HQ post THAT picture?  I'm so not jazzed..."  Forging Fitness for Elitists.  Yuck.

Here are some of the things I'm going to try.....

To not feel entitled.  Relationships are hard work.  New ones are fun to work on.  We never mind putting forth that extra effort when we are dating.  Example:  I'm not entitled for you to pay for the movie tickets.  It sure feels nice that you did, though.  I'll buy the snacks.  Good things come to those who put forth the effort.  I'm not entitled to a PR.  Or, some days, not even my previous 1 rep. max. is going to happen.  It happens to everyone.  Chillax.

Get a little dirty with it-.  DAMN, that WOD was fun-I'm talking to you, Week 2.  I'm sweaty, confused and a little nauseous.  Let's rest up and do it again! 

See things from more than the obvious perspective.  Then, rejoice in the differences.  In the beginning of a relationship, you brag about the differences. Later, they just piss you off.  Stop, and "enjoy the bacon".  So and so may box jump different than anyone else.  Or kettlebell swing like a fucking gorilla at the zoo.  But, no matter how different it is from yours, if the basic criteria is met then leave it alone.  I'm not saying that it is OK to worm a game standard push-up.  I'm just saying that everyone has a unique style.  And if the end result is legit, who am I to complain?  Angry gorillas throw poop, by the way. 

I'm also TRYING to remember to relax and see blessings in every situation.  And, to remember to have fun.  Mistakes happen-move on.  In the video below, I exclaim "Crap!" and cause some burpees at my Olympic Lifting Certification.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1677739748287

Now, if you know me, the hidden blessing is that I didn't drop the nuclear "F" Bomb.  I take the blessings where I see them, folks.  It was a great day. 

And mostly, to remember that love conquers all.  And the heart can move mountains.

At the end of the Certification, the astute Coach B. showed us a video of the 2008 Olympics.  Matthias Steiner won the Gold after losing his wife 13 months earlier.  The athlete before him reset incorrectly after the clean and jerk, and missed the lift.  Watching the consequences of a bad reset was valuable.  Yes.  But, I would like to think, since I am in that giddy, dating CrossFit mindset, that Coach B. showed us the video to remind us about heart. 

                     "I managed to lift it because I had this strong, innermost urge," said Steiner.

When you love someone or something, that love takes on a power of it's own.  You walk taller.  You can jump higher.  You want to make it proud of you, no matter where they may be.  You open yourself up and give life your honest effort.  You feel giddy when you wake up in the morning and you think about them  when you are away.  I've never wanted to see someone make a lift as much as I wanted to see him clean and jerk that 258kg.  And, I KNEW how the video ended!  Mr. Steiner has heart. 

So, I'm going to keep dating CrossFit.  We had our differences last week during WOD 3, but I'm looking forward to our date on Wednesday morning.  I'm going to put on my best Lulu, chalk up and have fun.

I may even put out, a little.:)

Happy Week 4, my fellow athletes!