I spent this weekend hiding my head in the sand. The sand being my birthday, my yummy non-paleo treats, my family.
Anything to avoid the news.
What could be worse than the bare facts? 20 children dead and six adults. I didn't need to hear more.
Details like the little girl who wanted to wear her fancy Christmas dress to school that day haunt me. She did, by the way. That is a magnificent mother. Most moms would say no. It would get ruined at recess, at lunch etc. But she said yes. I bet that sweet little princess felt so special getting ready that morning and walking into her class. As a mother, that would bring me comfort. But honestly, all of these details and the interviews, ESPECIALLY the interviews with the children...I just can't listen to them. The weeks before Christmas should be the best times in elementary school. And for parents, our babies bring home crafts and colored pictures that we keep forever. I keep mine with the Christmas decorations. Every year, Sydney's reaction is different. This year, she said, "You're not going to put THAT up, are you?" And someday, she will treasure them like I do. They are memories. I feel sad that these parents don't have construction paper wreathes and homemade ornaments to treasure. There are a million reasons to feel sad regarding the shootings at Sandy Hook. That is just one that was on my mind today.
In their grief and quest for answers, so many people look for someone or something to blame. Gun control, autism, lax parenting, lack of prayer in schools, insufficient security etc. I suppose it gives them comfort, this searching for a reason. I've done it. I have found it to be ineffective for me. Because we will never know what was going through the shooter's mind that morning.
In the gym, solutions come easy.
"Hit positions."
"Tighten up your nutrition."
"Timing."
"Drill the skill."
"Break it down and take it one step at a time."
"Practice."
"Patience."
In life, not so much. We want immediate gratification. We want answers....now.
Sorry.
I wish life had the same clarity that we see at the gym. A tight little plan that, when followed, produces the intended results.
All I know is blaming never got me a PR.
Only hard work.
So, to get through this, I am going to tighten up my skills in my tiny corner of the world. It's the only way I know how to help.
I'm going to listen without simultaneously thinking and formulating responses. I'm going to try to understand others. I'm going to hug my child more, much to her pre-teen dismay, because I need to. And deep inside, everyone needs more love, no matter what they say. I'm never going to miss an opportunity to say "I love you" to someone because you just never know if that was your last chance. And, so help me, if my child wants to wear my freaking wedding dress to school, I will just be calm and say "With or without the veil?" Because everyone needs to feel understood and supported.
