We survived the rapture!
Have you ever noticed when everything starts to go to shit, the world goes back to the basics? The politicians start kissing babies, talking about Mom's apple pie and Sunday dinners with the family. WWGD-what would Grandma do, we ask? People, the masses, take comfort in the basics. They are familiar and they work. But then, like we always do, we try to improve on the basics. And, in turn, we fuck it all up again.
Here are some examples of stupid inventions to make our lives easier....
Bending over and picking up crumbs can be a big fucking hassle and these slippers can eliminate that.....of course, you then have to bend over to take off the shoe broom and dust pan. I have a dog, so I don't need these shoes. He'll eat a paper clip, if he finds it.
You know what really chaps my ass? When my kid wants toast and then I have to drag out the knife, the toaster, the plate AND the butter!??!?! Not to mention the loaf of bread and that stupid little twistie tie to keep the bread fresh. It just sucks the life out of you! Between this and the stretch marks, I better get a car next Mother's Day. And it better be a pimpmobile. BUT, with this handy-dandy little invention, I'm saved all that hassle. So what that it looks like a glue stick? Kids eats glue all the time. Ask a teacher-I'm right about this one.
Eat with our fingers? What are we? Animals?
Basically, yes. And, like the mouse in the maze, we are problem solvers. But sometimes, as we try to improve our lives, we can cause more problems. Sure, I'm not getting finger stank from holding that shrimp, but now I have all these little finger plates to wash! If dancing is good, dance aerobics is great!
Why workout, when you can slap on some thick soled Shape-ups and walk your ass to Kardashian status?
Why lift a weight, when you can shake weight?
We've made everything so complicated....Can't we just all go back to basics?
CrossFit knows all about the basics. That's all we do. And if you pick up ANY fitness magazine, they will tell you about this amazing 'new' way to get superior results....fast. This isn't new. It's like Glenda the Good Witch says at the end of The Wizard of Oz:
"You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas."
We've had running, jumping, push-ups, sit-ups, squats, lifting heavy things and putting them down for as long as we have been on this Earth. It's only in the last 40 years or so that we have really started to screw that up.
Oh, it starts with good intentions....
If veggies and fruits are good, then let's find a way to preserve and multiply them beyond natural means. I found a canned good at my house that I can eat when my almost 11 year old daughter is at her driver's test. No shit. Whatever is in there that sustains that food, I'm not sure I want to put in my body. Really think about that. If a food will still be good in 3 or 4 years, do you REALLY want to eat it?
Girls today don't look like they did when I was 10.....
Of course they don't. The growth hormones in our meats and dairy are changing that. "But, she looked 18" is almost believable now......almost. Check IDs players! 15 will still get you 20 and nowadays, it will also get you a scathing case of syphilis and a Facebook page dedicated to your perverted ways. Read your meat and dairy labels and buy local, if you can. Look for grass-fed, organic or hormone-free. Find a farmer, farmer's market, natural food store or an old hippie-they'll hook you up.
Not that we all don't have moments where we go thru the drive-thru and toss the kids some McFuckits. But, hopefully we are more aware now than we were 5 years ago. And fast food should be a treat, not an every day nutritional plan for our families.
Basics. How easy is this nutritional plan?
Vegetables, lean meats, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. Boom. As we say at the Box, "That just happened..." Easy. Basics. Just like our grandparents used to do.
Even our dinner plates are bigger than they were 40 years ago. Because more is better, right? If you are talking about visceral fat and prescriptions to regulate our blood pressure, cholesterol and insulin, then there you go. Portions today are absurd. A Happy Meal is calorically suited for an adult. A Big Mac and fries has the calories for a family of three.
Nicole, why are you McHatin'?
Truthfully, I love McDonalds. I get their black coffee, eggs and fruit and walnut salad. They are just a good example of somewhere in which we are all familiar. If you don't know what a Happy Meal is, then welcome to your 1st day on the Internet. There are no panties on Panties in a WOD. The porn is just a few clicks away....hang in there, buddy.
But, I love it when people talk about this "new flash in the plan called CrossFit." I hear it's the next Zumba. :)
The magic of CrossFit is in the programming. And, the community. The movements are the basics. The same ones that our Grandfathers used in basic training during World War II. The same that our swat and tactical teams practice to stay in optimal shape. I'm not saying that Seal Team 6 busted out 'Fran' before they took out Bin Laden, but I will bet my weight in lactic acid that they know how to do thrusters and pull-ups.
In a world that is already full of complications, why not keep it simple and stay with what works? If you are tempted to stray and make things complicated, go ahead. You'll be back. Because when it all starts to fall to shit, we always return to the basics.
WORLD CLASS FITNESS IN 100 WORDS
"Eat meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. Keep intake to levels that will support exercise but not body fat. Practice and train major lifts: Deadlift, clean, squat, presses, C&J, and snatch. Similarly, master the basics of gymnastics: pull-ups, dips, rope climb, push-ups, sit-ups, presses to handstand, pirouettes, flips, splits, and holds. Bike, run, swim, row, etc, hard and fast. Five or six days per week mix these elements in as many combinations and patterns as creativity will allow. Routine is the enemy. Keep workouts short and intense. Regularly learn and play new sports."
~Greg Glassman
~Greg Glassman
