You know what really chaps my a**?

Would you like to know who is a friend?  Who has your back?  Here is a surefire formula.  It works 100% of the time.  Are you ready?  Here it comes.......

Be happy.  Achieve your goals.  Radiate confidence and pride.  You'll be amazed at who will be happy for you and who will think you've suddenly developed serious flaws.  It's the world's most effective reality check.

You see, some people wake up in the morning and have a big plate of

 they get their coffee and settle into their day. 

I don't like them.

They aren't my real friends.

I found out who my real friends were when I started to become active in CrossFit.  Am I saying that I only have friends who are CrossFitters now?  No.  It's not a cult.  But I do have a lot of great friends at the Box. 

But people I've been friends with for a while were really comfortable with who they are in relation to who I was.  And they found the change unsettling.  And the haters came out to feast on what they viewed as my new flaws.  And the passive aggressive haters circled above me like vultures.

Not everyone is like this.  I have tons of genuine friends that I have had for many years who are happy for me.  I have an amazing husband and family who support me and my happiness. 

 Do I think that this is printed on my forehead?

No.  I do not.

Does it bother me that people that I thought of as my friends don't support me and my goals?  Yes, a little.  Because I thought that I was a better judge of character-my bad.  I can't change anyone else but myself, so I'm not going to ask them to stop being a hater. 

But I thought that this was a funny blog. :(

Well, I'm not always funny.  And, it's called Panties in a WOD.  As in, "Cripes, why are her panties all in a wad?"

And there are some things I would like to address.  If you want a little humor, then read my past posts or check back with me next time.  But now, I would like to address the Haters who are in my life.

Do I think that some of my Haters read my blog?  Yes.  Because I think it feeds their need to feel superior over me. "What is she writing this week?  This is stupid.  She needs to take  a refresher course in punctuation and participles."  Well, you're spending your time reading it.  If you don't like it, may I suggest Chaucer?  Canterbury Tales is a great Winter read. 

If you have haters, consider this:  The reason that they are hating on you is your new strengths may be their greatest weakness.  Or, that you are now strong in an area where they were able to control you and your relationship.  Or, unhappiness was the only thing you really had in common in the 1st place.

I worked my ass off to get my Cert.  And it has been a real eye opener on who was happy for me and who just ignored it.  Some people who are 'into exercise' and I thought were my friends treated it like it was a lame status update.

Nicole Scott Smith had toast for breakfast.  posted 4 minutes ago

I may not be perfect.  I may not be the fastest or have the best form, but I am improving every day.  So if you think that I am a lesser athlete or trainer because you are smarter, stronger, leaner, younger or more technically advanced, you are wrong.  My happiest times are spent encouraging others and celebrating their success.  I'm a strong person, but if I carried around all that hate, passive-aggressive bullcrap and judgement, I'd be fucking exhausted.   

I'm also tired of people saying that my friends who enjoy CrossFit are obsessed.  And, that I am.

We are passionate about what we enjoy. Period.  They may be at the Box for 2 hours, and only 30 minutes were spent workout out.  Why didn't they just go home after they were done?  The rest of the time, they were helping and encouraging others.  That's not obsessed.  It's NOT selfish behavior.  That's selfless.   Consider the fact, before you hate on them,  that you may be a little envious that they wake up every morning and have something in their life that they feel that passionate about.  When did you last feel that way about something?  Do they love their families less because they are at the Box more?  No, silly rabbit.  A happy person is a healthy person.  We send people home happy.  Exhausted?  Yes!  But, happy indeed.  I'd rather live with a happy, healthy person.  They are better companions, in my opinion.  But what do I know, right?

If your friend is losing weight, lifting stronger, has a new relationship, a new haircut, hobby or passion and you think the relationship has suffered because they have 'changed', then take a good look at yourself.  If you can't celebrate the success of someone you care about, then look within yourself and ask why.  Just be happy for them.  And, for me.

I'm happy for you.

And, for goodness sakes, be thrilled with your own accomplishments!  Post them, blog about them, tell the world.  You've earned it!  Be solid on how you feel about yourself and where you stand in this world.  And, let the haters figure out why they are so miserable. 

I'm running in my 1st half-marathon next week.  I may have to walk, crawl, cry and stop to pee.  But, I will finish.  Resolution #2......accomplished.

Hate on that.

WODs! WODs! WODs!

We have new whiteboards at the Box!  They record our 1 rep maxes and our times for the Girl WODs and Hero WODs.  They hold our pr's for our runs, rows and other benchmarks.  And, they are really cool looking!  Also, as a coach, they are a valuable tool in regards to accessing our athletes and helping them progress towards awesomeness.  I love the new whiteboards!!!! 

We still need to keep a personal record of all our workouts.  Even more helpful would be to combine that with a record of our current weight and food intake.  And, perhaps a sentence or two of what is happening that day.  All those things combined affect your time, strength and concentration for that day.  For me, these elements help create the WOD's subcategory.  Every WOD I do has one.  Fran is never 'just Fran'.  7x1 back squat day isn't just a strength day.  Not for me, anyways.

Here are some of my WOD subcategories:

The Redemption WOD

The WOD that you needed  to crush.  Because the last 4 or 5 WOD's have sucked.  If you don't do well, you just may cry.  Or, eat a movie theatre sized bag of Twizzlers.  Or both.  You think that something has stolen your CrossFit Mojo.  You question what was once, in your head,  a borderline Jedi ability to CrossFit.   It is the WOD you need to pr. 

The Easy Read

It reads 'easy' on the white board.  3 rounds of anything, low weights with higher reps, 1 minute all out efforts.  General rule of thumb:  If you are reading the WOD and think "Hey!  This won't be so bad.  I'm good at those.  This is MY WOD.  I'm super awesome."  You're wrong.  So very wrong.  And, they never fall on your rest day.  Sorry-I don't know why this seems to be true.  It sucks. 

The Evil One

Your Nemesis.  The one that gives your bowels distress.  The one you read the night before and think about at 2am.  And 2:57am.  And 4:12am.  And then again 24 minutes before your alarm is set to go off.  Now, it has ruined a night of sleep.  This WILL affect your time.   It is trying to sabotage you.  Crafty little f*cker.

The Ricky Bobby WOD

"Here's the deal.   I'm the best there is.  Plain and simple.  I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. "

You enter the Box and make it so.  Perfect WOD.  Perfect form.  Perfect time.

Shake and bake.

The War Story WOD

People talk about these ones like they were in 'Nam.  The 400m lunge with a 20# vest, the burpee mile, Eva, yesterday......

The list goes on in infamy.

And, they will be back again someday.

Think about that at 2:57am.

The Endurance WOD Grief and Support Group

A Favorite.  At least one hour of loud music, sweat, clanging barbells, grunts and

people muttering to themselves.  But ALWAYS, at least every 3 minutes, someone will yell out something encouraging.  Support?  Yeah, we have that.

The Technical WOD

It doesn't really matter how strong you are or how fast.  A "no rep" is a "no rep."  If your hips don't open at the top.  If it is not locked out overhead.  If the ball doesn't go completely over the line.  If your chest doesn't hit the floor....NO REP!

Like in the Karate Kid, repetition and practice will help you in your WOD.   I always forget that my WOD doesn't have to be my practice time.  I need to learn to do more skill work outside of classtime.  I have to "wax-on/wax-off" before I can "sweep the leg".

and the worst one for me...

Fail WOD

Where the obtainable is JUST out of my reach.  When I don't hit my 1 rep max.  I create my own fail WOD's.  I need to remember that a 1:45 500m row is still a good row for me, even if it isn't a pr.  A 275# deadlift is a good lift for that day, even if it was 20# under my one rep. max.  A scaled WOD with proper intensity is a good WOD.  These are not epic failures.  These days happen.  I need to remember that.  It's only a fail if I quit or call it a fail.  Finish the row, the lift, the double-under attempts.  No more Fail WOD's. 

I wish you a weekend full of Ricky Bobbys!

Just WHAT is offensive?

IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, DO NOT READ THIS.  THANKS.

Oh, dear.......Oh, my............here it comes.  I just need to know.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!??!??!??!??!?!??!!!  Why are so many people so easily offended? 
Here is the deal.  I frequent a certain website.  It posts daily workouts, links, articles and inspirational photos.  The other day, this photo was posted on the daily entry:

Yowza!  Right?  Now, enlarge this picture.  Go ahead.  This is an amazing shot of someone who treats her body better than most people treat their kids.  Notice her back muscles.  Note that she has great glutes.  Her arms and shoulders are defined.  She has a top notch diet and exercise regimen-obviously.  She has put time and effort into looking like this and it has paid off.  She isn't too skinny.  She has the perfect amount of 'junk in her trunk.'  I'd let my 10 year old daughter see this picture.  I don't let her read my blog, but that is another story....

SOOOOOOOOO, I read the comments posted under the picture.  MOST are complimentary, but one caught my attention.  It read " #26  I'm tired of seeing pictures of vagina on Mainsite."   OK.  So, I decide to post a comment.  It read "Dear #26, I can only speak for myself, but MY vagina is located on the FRONT of my body.  I don't see hers in this picture.  Very inspirational pic of a dedicated athlete!"

It is also noteworthy that someone named Esther posted "Let's see it, Nicole!"  Actually, it's not really that relevant to my story.  It's just nice to be wanted, so Thanks Esther! 

ANYWHO, my comment and 'vagina hater's' comment were deleted.  And I get why.  Filters.  We used the word vagina.  Some people won't be able to access the site at work unless the dreaded V-word is taken off.  I don't look at porn.  Really.  I don't.  But I did Google vagina-that sounds dirty.  The top searches and links are all clinical.  Because vagina is a clinical term.  If I had written who-ha, wee wee, pee pee etc, my comment would still be there.  BUT, we must use filters.  We edit.  We use STUPID terms like who-ha because people get offended WAY to easily.  Oh, and some people surf porn instead of working at their jobs.  Another reason for filters.   But again, that's another story....

I have no problem with 'vagina hater' and his opinion.  We all have opinions.  I just have a problem with the fact that we have become sooooo politically correct, that the word vagina can't be used without  tripping the filter on your computer.  I can think of a BUNCH of insanely offensive terms for vagina!  Actually, some of them are pretty funny.  But the only term I taught my daughter to use is vagina.  I also use words like rectum, arm, femur and elbow.    So there.

What DO you find offensive, Nicole?  Well, very little.  But, it's my blog, so here are my personal top picks:

Racists.

I don't like you.  I think you are foolish and hate having to explain people like you to my child.  I guess I'm racist against racism.  I can live with that.

Douchebags.

Note the duck-face, the excessive highlights and the orange-y fake tan.  They are easy to spot, but in case you were confused, this should help.  Show this picture to your younger cousins, nieces, little sisters or friends who can't distinguish between a well put-together man and a douche.  You're welcome.

                                                                         Liars.

Why?  The truth can be funny, after everyone just calms the fuck down.......



Wilford Brimley.  I just don't trust him.

and finally.....

People who can't laugh at themselves.  You KNOW this sign pissed someone off.   And that's too bad.

Oh, and by the way.  Vagina.  Just because.

I is educated.....

I'm gonna drop a bomb on you.........I'm not shy.  I'm going to give you a minute to pull yourself off the floor.

But, I've found myself at a loss for words this week.  I've tried to be like the wise old owl in the nursery rhyme:

A wise old owl lived in an oak
The more he saw the less he spoke
The less he spoke the more he heard.
Why can't we all be like that wise old bird? 

My first week of training other athletes has been wonderful!  But training is an art and everyone has different skills.  And art is subjective.
I may look at a painting and say "That sucks.  My dog wiped his ass on my carpet last Tuesday with more talent."  And Joe Schmoe may have that painting hanging over his couch.  "Did you see this?  I love his work.  It speaks to me."
Some of us are abstract, some minimalists, others detailed.   I'm not sure where I fall yet.  I wish that I could tell you that I left my Cert knowing everything and rocking out muscle-ups like a m-effer, but alas....If CrossFit HQ could accomplish that at a Certification course, they would have been on Oprah years ago.  They have a magic potion at HQ that makes them awesome, but my Cert wasn't at Hogwarts.  It was in St. Charles. :)
I'm gonna have to make my own magic.

So, I leave you with this.  I'm happy.  I'm learning.  And I feel great about the path I am following.  Can't wait to see where it will lead me!

For now, here is my favorite song.

BEST LYRICS EVER!!!!!!

Shhhhhhhhhh, it's telling us something.....

 

Surprise! Or, one New Years Resolution down...........

How do you react when something surprises you?  When you are caught off guard?  This picture is  pretty typical of my reaction to surprises before I started CrossFit.  Unprepared for the unknown and unknowable-and awkwardly so.

But that was then and this is now.

And here is the deal.  I think about you.  All the time.  I wonder how your lifts went when I know you went to the WOD.  Did you PR?  Was your row faster this time?  Was it slower?  Did you get your first pull-up?  I worry when you are sick. Is your injury better?   How was your day?  I wonder these things.  Am I like a stalker?  Will I be standing in your driveway with a boombox over my head like John Cusack in "Say Anything", playing the songs we hear during our WODs?  No.  Would I lunge in your driveway with a boombox overhead till you came out and told me about your WOD?  Hmmmmm.....tempting, but I guess not.

But, still.

I reached a point where it became overwhelming.  I care so much for my fellow SoMO athletes.  I just wanted to do more for you.  And myself.  As much as I love you guys, I just simply adore me :)  And, I wanted to learn more and immerse myself more into life at the Box.  Imagine my surprise the day I realized that I couldn't be content just going to class.  It was pretty unsettling.   So, about 5 months ago, I registered and started the process of studying for my Level 1 Cert. 

Why didn't I tell you?  Me.  A poster child for TMI.  Odd?  Yes.  Why?  Well, for several reasons.

One was that I was afraid of failure and I didn't want to let anyone down.  The weight that I would feel if I allowed myself to fail after 2 years of CF would have been enough to bear.  And, I feel like you deserve my best. 

Second was I'm not very confident unless I'm the best at something.  I bet you have beaten me at a WOD.  You may beat me tomorrow.   I'm not a girl with my name covering the white board.  Sure, I'm up there.  BUT, I don't dominate it by any means.

Third, I don't epitomise all the physical attributes of the typical female CrossFitter.  I struggle with my diet.  I'm not lithe and lean.  I'm, uh, 'curvy'.  :) 

Also, I look "crazy" when I am focused and/or scared.  People who don't know me might casually look for the nearest exit.

But here are my assets.

I'm afraid of failure, so I won't allow myself to let you down.

I'm not the best at everything, but I'm damn good at knowing why.  I have a quick eye and can see faults and I like to help people.  I've spent the last 2 years being trained by Rodney, having 1 on 1 sessions once a week.  I've had the privilege of living with and having Chase be my trainer for 6 months, as well as Mattie and Leslie.  I spent my Cert being coached by amazing athletes including  Matt Chan, who placed 8th in the 2009 Games and was a top finisher in the 2010 Games, as well.  He is amazing!  I feel BEYOND lucky that an athlete of that calliber was at my Certification.  It was like a beginner football coach getting pointers from Brett Farve-except this is the least creepy guy in the world and you feel comfortable friending him on Facebook.

I DON'T epitomise the body of a typical trainer.  Am I working towards a healthier weight?  Yes.  I spent the last 5 months studying Zone and Paleo.  I've been instructed by CF HQ on how I can help you AND me on the road to a healthier lifestyle.  And I'm ready to implement that in my life.   I understand your struggles.  I do. I wrestle with it too and together we are going to make this happen.  I WANT to help you.  I get it.

I look 'crazy' when I am intent on something and have a potty mouth.  Well, that's just me.   If that makes you try harder to perfect your form or run faster to get the hell away from your crazy trainer then OK.  So be it.  Short of wearing a mask and a gag, I am who I am.

Did it feel awkward taking this big step and not telling you?  Yes.  Very much.

Do I care about you?   Yes.  Very much. 

Do I know if I will be a good trainer?  I hope so.  And I'm prepared to deal with the unknown and unknowable. 

And together we will train to not suck at life.

I hope this answers your questions.

3-2-1-Go!

Nicole

Mom. Dad. I'm Ophiuchus...

I'm all out of sorts!  Up is down.  Left is right.  Cookies are carrot sticks.   Burpees are wallballs.  I'm no longer a Sagittarius.  I'm an Ophiuchus.

WTF?

I mean, really.

We have added a 13th sign and, in addition, messed with the dates of the other ones.  Before you laugh at my astrological screwjob, check this out:

ARIES = APRIL 19 - MAY 13
TAURUS = MAY 14 - JUNE 19
GEMINI = JUNE 20 - JULY 20
CANCER = JULY 21 - AUG 9
LEO = AUGUST 10 - SEPTEMBER 15
VIRGO = SEPTEMBER 16 - OCTOBER 30
LIBRA = OCTOBER 31 - NOVEMBER 22
SCORPIO = NOVEMBER 23 - NOVEMBER 29
OPHIUCHUS = NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 17
SAGITTARIUS = DECEMBER 18 - JANUARY 18
CAPRICORN = JANUARY 19 - FEBRUARY 15
AQUARIUS = FEBRUARY 16 - MARCH 11
PISCES = MARCH 12 - APRIL 18

Not so funny now, huh?
And, of course, since I'm the 13th sign, my lucky number is 12.  And listed under traits:  Wearer of plaid.
Again.  WTF?
In my opinion, the people who usually take these things seriously are still living in their parent's basement.  And, they are probably doing bong hits, as we speak.  I don't know why this is unsettling, but I think it is because this is part of my 'label'.  I am used to being Sagittarius.  It was a description of who I am.  It really described me well.
  "Gosh, you're hyper.  Friendly.  Impulsive.  Driven.  You have a potty mouth."
"Well, I'm Sagittarius."    No more.
It has me thinking about being rx'd at CrossFit.  At first, 35# kettlebells were rx'd for women.  Then 55#.  And, if you watch Mainsite, you know that this will probably change in the future.  We will be doing Man-Fran someday.  I don't doubt this-95# thrusters, ladies.
I hate to scale.  HATE IT!!!!!!!!  If I had a swear jar dollar for every time I had to scale, I'd have a fuckload of dollars.  I am just not proficient in all the movements.  But, I do it.  I scale to keep up intensity.  It makes me frowny.  If rx'd work feels like Christmas morning, then scaling feels like this:

I allow scaling to poo on my WOD.  Because, I think of myself as mostly rx'd.  I don't mind scaling when I simply have not mastered the skill, like handstand push-ups.  But, when I have the ability to do the weight and need to scale for intensity in a WOD, it makes me nuts.

There are tons of reasons to scale.  Ability being one.  Easing back in after an injury(damn it.  why did I have to whack my fingers on that stupid box!!!!) being another of many.  But, scaling for intensity is something that everyone needs to do.  And, we shouldn't EVER let it fool ourselves into thinking that we are less of an athlete than the person next to us.  Maybe 65# is rx'd in a WOD.  And you can OHS 65#.  But, if the rest of the folks are getting in 10 rounds and you are getting 3, you should have scaled.  Maybe at 45#, you can get 9 or 10 rounds.  Or 13.  Intensity is more important than rx'd, if you want to make gains as a CrossFitter.  Oh, if only I hadn't been so pigheaded, oh so many times.  I actually wasted a lot of time dwelling on scaling, instead of realizing that THE SCALING WAS PROGRESSIVELY MAKING ME STRONGER BECAUSE I WAS KEEPING UP MY INTENSITY!!!!!!! 

So yes, now there are 13 meaningless categories in which you may label yourself and base important decisions on, like mate compatibility and lotto numbers.  And, you can go the Box and label yourself as scaled or rx'd.  But, at the end of the day, you are you.  Period.  You will grow and progress and change.  And tomorrow, you may be a rx'd athlete.  Or, a Pisces.  Or scaled.  As long as you are living your life with purpose, honesty and at the proper intensity, does it really matter what your 'label' reads today?

I'm not saying to not have goals.  Set goals.  They are important.  And meet them.  I met my goal for the 1st week of the SoMo weight loss challenge.  It was a manageable goal.  I will met next week's, as well.  Progressing forward slowly. 

I feel as happy as this little guy.  Life is good-even though I still can't pronounce Ophiuchus.

Thank Goodness it's all your fault and I'm still perfect....

What if CrossFitters ran NYC?  I thought about this today as I watched the news and saw the statement from Mayor Bloomberg.  It would seem that some of the residents felt that the City didn't get the enormous amount of snow removed from the streets in an efficient manner.  Snow plows made ice  'guardrails' that blocked in the parked vehicles.  The sanitation department was unable to keep their regular schedule and remove the bags of trash that were piling on the sidewalks.  People were inconvenienced.  Anytime a city with the population of 8,391,881 gets almost 2 feet of snow, it is going to be a huge cluster fuck. 

WWCFD? (what would CrossFit do?)  Well, my first guess is that we would suggest that residents buy an effing shovel, if they didn't already have one.  Then use it.  Dig out your own car.  It doesn't take a genius to surmise that the 2 feet wet slushy crap that the plows are pushing aside will freeze into an ice wall overnight.  Go outside.  Cover your ass.  Dig out your vehicle.   Clear the walk in front your residence.  And, if you are so inclined, a few feet more on either side.  The trash guy isn't coming today-duh-so, don't throw your bags outside like they will.  Act like a community.  It costs NYC one million dollars to remove and recover from each inch of snow.  One million per inch.  Now, it is snowing on 'the City that never sleeps'-again.  And, it's a lot of that white stuff.   No one is asking you to be a hero to the other residents on your street, just buy or borrow a shovel and help yourself...I would.

But. that is not how the majority of our world thinks.  We blame.  In our grief and frustration, we search for an explanation.  And the answers are often replaced with one's that make us feel better about our decisions.

"Why does that ice cream have to taste so good, cause IT has made me flabby!"

"I don't know why the kids have to want cookies.  Their food is too much of a temptation.  Damn kids"

"I'm out of shape because gym memberships are too expensive."

"I didn't get in a good WOD because my usual trainer wasn't there."

"I couldn't get my pull-ups or my lifts, because someone was using the bar I usually use."

"The guy next to me was distracting, sounded like he was having a man-gasim, was stanky, talked to me etc.  He ruined the WOD for me."

So, how do we stop 'the blame game'?  By being brutally honest with ourselves and others.

"I can't go to Burger King.  I don't exercise self-control when I go.  Can you pick up the chicken that the kids wanted?  I eat their fries on the drive home and act dismayed with everyone else when the smaller portions are removed from the bag."

"Even though walking, running, push-ups, sit-ups air-squats and stretching are free, I chose to watch the entire Today Show instead of exercising.  I know that I'll never lose weight from the nausea that I experience when I watch the dreaded 4th hour with Kathie Lee and Hoda, but I watched it anyway.  They had wine."

"I had a crappy day.  I let it take over my WOD.  My emotions were bigger than me.  I didn't concentrate on my form and my time suffered because of it."

"The girl next to me is faster and stronger than me.  I didn't concentrate on doing what is my best and lost time because of it.  I feel like a fool, cause I'm a guy.  Guys are supposed to be stronger than girls."

"The girl next to me is faster and stronger than me.  And, she is pretty.  I didn't concentrate on doing what is my best and lost time because of it.  I feel like a fool, cause this isn't the time for petty thoughts.  But, here I am.  Crap, she isn't even sweating.  I'm not using this time to concentrate on myself."

"I chose not to shovel because I thought someone else would do it for me.  They usually do.  I know that they are overwhelmed with a situation that is out of their control, but I decided to throw the dice anyway.  I was aware that the plow had blocked in my car with snow, but I spent my time being pissed while the snow froze into an impenetrable ice wall.  Now, I see that my plan sucked.  I'm feeling bitter."

Your honesty will not make you popular with others.  Or yourself.  It won't placate your friends who are used to your help in justifying their poor decisions and finger pointing. (ex. "Yes, he acted like a total dick.  You totally deserve cake, a very expensive purse, or telling his Sister-who you hate-that he returns the majority of the gifts she buys him etc. etc. etc.)  But, if we let our negative feelings, internal lies and blame pile up, they will, like plowed snow,congeal into an impenetrable hate wall.  I'm going to try to see my life like a huge snowstorm.  I'll try to see the beauty in the storm and not let things pile up.  Even if someone else is supposed to clean up the mess, I am going to try to be proactive with the part that affects me and my loved ones.  Because negative bullshit, like the snow, is easier to clear right after it falls.  Shit happens.  Just shovel it up and go on.