R.U.R.X?

#1

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

or...

#2

Both #1 and #2 say the same thing.  I just like to cover my bases when trying to communicate a point.

Look, I don't ask anyone to address something within them that I am not investigating within myself.  Remember your first unassisted pull up?  I'll be frank, the split second after I got mine, I thought "Oh fuck, did anyone see that?"  Because, everything changes after that point.  People expect shit from you.  If your smart, you expect more from yourself, as well.

I compare it to the pressure of finding your 1st rx'd Fran time.  I feel as relaxed with establishing my rx'd Fran time as I do with explosive diarrhea in a crowded public restroom.  Really. 

So, when you are straddling the line between rx and scaled, what do you choose?  I always try to side with intensity.  The rest will come in time.  Unless, it is one of those WODs where you just have to suck it up.

Even if this happens:

or this:

                                                                            or this:

and this:



But, what if it isn't?  What route do YOU take?

Do you do the rx'd weight, because you can, even if you're slow as balls*

*Slow as balls:

Very slow. Refers to the snail's pace at which the testicles are retracted upward into the groin area when exposed to cool temperatures.

"Dude, your Rx'd Grace is as slow as balls.  Grow a pair and scale it!"

Low ball it so your time is 'wicked awesome'....

"Yeah, I used the lowest weight.  You probably didn't notice because I had already ripped out my reps and left while you were on round 3.  I posted my time to the site and Facebook.  Be sure to "like" it."

Or pay attention to your Coaches.  They will give you the correct weight.  Unless they're like these proud parents at a little league game:

A Wodkilla shirt and a piece of paper does not constitute a CrossFit Coach.

With all the awesome competitions going on, it will be interesting to see who is competing scaled and who is going rx'd.  Both are great places to be!  What sucks is when firebreathers stack the deck and place themselves on the scaled team or scaled athletes with big heads decide that they are suddenly rx'd.  The fellas might call that "a real big kick in the franks and beans."  I call it borderline cheating or stupidity.  Either way, it's pretty lame and takes the fun out of the competitions.   I'm personally a scaled athlete with a few rx'd skills in my pocket-not enough to tip the scale and place me on a rx'd team, but enough strength and knowledge of range of motion to compete well as a scaled athlete.

Whether scaled or rx'd, do your best.  Play hard and play fair! 

Unbroken

"Lighten up, Francis."
Sometimes, I think that we forget what to take seriously, and what to just blow off.  Our attitude can rub off on everyone with whom we have an interaction.  Whether it's a hard-ass attitude, a lazy attitude or a positive one. 
You know those WODs where you have a lot of reps and you would like to try to go unbroken?  And, you are working out with a buddy?  And, your buddy drops the bar and you are hitting a freaking wall.  You could do more.  She/he could have done more.  BUT, she/he dropped.  Then, as if it granted you a golden permission slip signed by Glassman, you drop the bar and get a rest, as well.  You both COULD have done more, but you didn't.  And, even though you both pick up the bar and finish the WOD, you know it happened.  Has this EVER happened to you?  I've been on both sides of this one.  And, when I am the 1st to drop because I feel sorry for myself/tired/not "into it" etc. and I think it may have caused a chain reaction, I feel even worse.  That's in the gym.  What about in life?

If I leave my gym clothes on the floor, dishes in the living room, opt for a less-healthy meal or not be enthusiastic and positive, what effect will it have on the people I care about?  Will they, in turn, leave their crap sitting around the house, eat food from crinkly wrappers and be depressed?  I don't know.  What if it did?  I DO know that I would, in turn, be pissed because I would have to clean up their mess while wearing my imaginary, yet very heavy, Queen of All That Is Right crown.  And then, I just may eat a cupcake and go on a Lulu binge.  I know.  "Lighten up, Francis."   So, I TRY not to drop the bar in life until I simply cannot physically or mentally do any more.  I try. 

Sometimes, it is easier for us to do something for others than to do something for ourselves.  It is always best to "secure your mask before assisting others", but if this is how you roll, then try to be stronger, more positive, healthier or not a fucktard in general, for those around you.

BTW, I've been married 17 years this Friday.  If I compare our marriage to a WOD, we have never "dropped the bar" in regards to our commitment and our vows.  Whatever it took, whenever we felt too weary or angry or apathetic-whatever, marriage has too many emotions to list- to go unbroken, somewhere from inside ourselves, we found the strength to push ourselves through.  And that strength inspired the other one to keep going.  When I am down, he helps me up and when he can't go another step, I show him that together we can go unbroken.  Shouldn't life be like that?  I feel blessed everyday. 

Today, inside and outside of the Box, I'm going to try to not drop the bar.  And maybe, by being stronger, the people around me will be stronger and happier, as well. 

That Touch of Luon: Or, how I became a CrossFit clothes wh*re.

I'm pretty thrifty.  In fact, one of my friends always used to tease me about a shopping trip

we went on years ago.  I was holding up a shirt and said "I like it.  But, I don't like it for 20 dollars."  That's as honest as I can be and described my shopping to a tee.  Marshalls, Gordman's, TJMaxx, Ebay.....I want nice things-at cost.  Then, I started to CrossFit.

I started like anyone else.  Just too plain tired to really give a shit what I was wearing.  Crappy t-shirts became 'gym clothes' before they hit the garage sale pile.  I also didn't focus a lot of attention on my hair and make-up prior to going to the gym.  This hasn't changed.  'Gym Nicole' looks like my strung out twin sister who may or may not ask you for a dollar.  Then I watched the 2010 CrossFit Games.....

These ladies didn't look like very fit, strong homeless women.  Their outfits were......cute.  Coordinated.  Not old maternity shirts with baby food stains.  Did these things exist?  I looked for that Nike swoop-did anyone else make work-out clothes?  These were world class athletes and they weren't just "Doing it".  THEN, I spotted the Omega.  It was tiny and on all the shorts, tanks and bras.  A tiny silver beacon, beckoning my name...

To Google!  It must be a nod to these nut jobs and their love of Omega-3/fish oils.  Wow.  That's dedication.  But no.....and I gave up my search. 

Fast forward to the 2010 HOA Challenge.  I'm seeing the omega everywhere, so I ask this chick in a BEAUTIFUL hoodie "Hey, what is the brand that you are wearing?  I'm seeing it everywhere today." 

"Lululemon."

Lululemon.  It just sounds wonderful, doesn't it?

"Do they sell it around here?"

"Sure.  There is a store at Plaza Frontenac and they are online."

So, I looked online.  And, that Christmas, my wonderful, supportive crossfitter husband gave me some Lulu of my own.  Now, he's not married to the homeless lady at the Box and I'm not wearing a breastfeeding bra to WOD.  Everybody wins.

And, then I pr'd in my Lulu.  And I'm superstitious.  I need more Lulu.

So, when I went to my Level 1 Cert., I visited my 1st Lululemon store.  I was feeling pretty great, having just passed my exam and thought "Hey!  I'll buy one of those hoodies!  To remember this weekend."

Now, this was above and beyond my normal level of spending-remember, I'm thrifty-BUT, I was celebrating.  Then, an important chain of events followed.

#1.  Husband called.  "Where are you at?"

me-"A Lululemon store.  I may buy a hoodie to celebrate...."

husband-"Yeah, you should.  Get some other stuff too, if you want."

me-"Yeah, I might.  It's pretty salty, though."

#2 Then, the sales associate came up.

"Did I hear that you are celebrating?"

me-"Yes, I just passed my certification to become a CrossFit instructor."

Lady Lulu-"You know, you get a discount as a CrossFit instructor."

No.  No, I did not.

An hour later, I was sitting in my car in their parking lot.  Just sitting there.  Staring into space-dazed and confused.  What have I done?  Who was this person with bags upon bags of Lulu in her mom-car?  I've never spent so much on so little in my life.  And, I drove home.

And, it happens every time I go into a Lululemon.  I think they pump in extra oxygen with just a smidgen of meth.  I thank goodness that the nearest store is 4 hours away.  I can control my urges online.  But, not when that Luon touches my skin...

But, I felt SPEC-FUCKING-TACULAR in my Lulu.  And then, I expanded my CrossFit clothing horizons.  Inov-8s, the new Minimus shoes, Life as Rx'd shirts, Rokfit, Lovefit, 2Pood, more Converse.  So many tube socks, my lesbian friends are envious.  My most recent addition:  a kettlebell tattoo.

The main focus of CrossFit is strength and conditioning, nutrition, discipline and community.  But, I have a theory.  We lift like men, we spend our days with weight lifting chalk all over us, our palms are  callused, rough and quite often bloody.  It's a hot, sweaty enviorment with metal music, some vomit, a few cuss words and lots of emotion.  And, my cute WOD gear makes me feel like a girl.  I need it.

I'm not too keen on all the new CrossFit clothes on mainsite-nothing against Reebok-I just like my Lulu. 

I do LOVE that they used CrossFitters as models, though. 

 I think that we need Reebok.  CrossFit has grown so fast in the last few years-beyond the expectation of the founders, I believe.  And, in order to facilitate the needs of all the new athletes, we needed a big sponsor-aka $$$$$$$$$.  No one thinks about how much it would have sucked if people who wanted to compete in Sectionals couldn't, due to the sheer volume of athletes.  It grew so big, so fast.  I have a lot of confidence in the people at HQ-they've done pretty well and have taken us to this point.  They are the delegates, if you will, for our community.  I wish people would put more trust in that.  If you want to complain, go ahead.  I think they(HQ) thought it through very well.  I find it hard to bitch about a program that is busting it's ass to try and make EVERYONE happy-you just can't.  But, they're trying.  But, I do prefer the 'grassroots' clothes.  The witty affiliate shirts, the speed shorts etc.

And, I don't agree with all the complaining about the Reebok Games uniforms.  If I was lucky enough to make it to the Games, you could put me back in a nursing bra and a Wham t-shirt.  I'd just feel happy to be there.  That's on a whole other level than what you wear to the Box.  Paid=professional.  The winners will be paid well.  Plus, it's just a weekend.   I'm willing to bet that if you ask a top 20 athlete if they care, they don't.  I put that on the same level as complaining about side boob

or bare bottom pictures on mainsite.  Get over it.  If I was at HQ, I'd post a picture of a scrotum sack on a kettlebell, just to weed out the elitists and complainers.  But, that's me.

I'm not expecting any job offers from HQ in the near future. :)

 I just want to drink my kool-aid enjoy the 2011 Games, like the rest of us. 

And, I plan on it.  I'm going to kick back on my couch and watch the athletes, the crowds and the update shows-in my Lulu-and just be inspired.

And. maybe get some ideas for a new outfit or two....

Let's face it.  I'm not a top 20 Games athlete or a clothing model, but cute clothes make you feel happy.  And, I believe in the power on Luon.

Apple Pie and kissing babies......

We survived the rapture!

Have you ever noticed when everything starts to go to shit, the world goes back to the basics?  The politicians start kissing babies, talking about Mom's apple pie and Sunday dinners with the family.  WWGD-what would Grandma do, we ask? People, the masses, take comfort in the basics.  They are familiar and they work.  But then, like we always do, we try to improve on the basics.  And, in turn, we fuck it all up again. 

Here are some examples of stupid inventions to make our lives easier....

Bending over and picking up crumbs can be a big fucking hassle and these slippers can eliminate that.....of course, you then have to bend over to take off the shoe broom and dust pan.  I have a dog, so I don't need these shoes.  He'll eat a paper clip, if he finds it.

You know what really chaps my ass?  When my kid wants toast and then I have to drag out the knife, the toaster, the plate AND the butter!??!?!  Not to mention the loaf of bread and that stupid little twistie tie to keep the bread fresh.  It just sucks the life out of you!  Between this and the stretch marks, I better get a car next Mother's Day.  And it better be a pimpmobile.  BUT, with this handy-dandy little invention, I'm saved all that hassle.  So what that it looks like a glue stick? Kids eats glue all the time.  Ask a teacher-I'm right about this one.

Eat with our fingers?  What are we?  Animals? 

Basically, yes.  And, like the mouse in the maze, we are problem solvers.  But sometimes, as we try to improve our lives, we can cause more problems.  Sure, I'm not getting finger stank from holding that shrimp, but now I have all these little finger plates to wash!  If dancing is good, dance aerobics is great!

Why workout, when you can slap on some thick soled Shape-ups and walk your ass to Kardashian status?

  Why lift a weight, when you can shake weight?

We've made everything so complicated....Can't we just all go back to basics?

 CrossFit knows all about the basics.  That's all we do.  And if you pick up ANY fitness magazine, they will tell you about this amazing 'new' way to get superior results....fast.  This isn't new.  It's like Glenda the Good Witch says at the end of The Wizard of Oz:

"You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas."

We've had running, jumping, push-ups, sit-ups, squats, lifting heavy things and putting them down for as long as we have been on this Earth.  It's only in the last 40 years or so that we have really started to screw that up. 

 Oh, it starts with good intentions....

If veggies and fruits are good, then let's find a way to preserve and multiply them beyond natural means.  I found a canned good at my house that I can eat when my almost 11 year old daughter is at her driver's test.  No shit.  Whatever is in there that sustains that food, I'm not sure I want to put in my body.  Really think about that.  If a food will still be good in 3 or 4 years, do you REALLY want to eat it?

Girls today don't look like they did when I was 10.....

Of course they don't.  The growth hormones in our meats and dairy are changing that.  "But, she looked 18" is almost believable now......almost.  Check IDs players!  15 will still get you 20 and nowadays, it will also get you a scathing case of syphilis and a Facebook page dedicated to your perverted ways.  Read your meat and dairy labels and buy local, if you can.  Look for grass-fed, organic or hormone-free.  Find a farmer, farmer's market, natural food store or an old hippie-they'll hook you up.

Not that we all don't have moments where we go thru the drive-thru and toss the kids some McFuckits.  But, hopefully we are more aware now than we were 5 years ago.  And fast food should be a treat, not an every day nutritional plan for our families.

Basics.  How easy is this nutritional plan?

Vegetables, lean meats, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar.  Boom.  As we say at the Box, "That just happened..."  Easy.  Basics.  Just like our grandparents used to do.

Even our dinner plates are bigger than they were 40 years ago.  Because more is better, right?  If you are talking about visceral fat and prescriptions to regulate our blood pressure, cholesterol and insulin, then there you go.  Portions today are absurd.  A Happy Meal is calorically suited for an adult.  A Big Mac and fries has the calories for a family of three.

Nicole, why are you McHatin'?

Truthfully, I love McDonalds.  I get their black coffee, eggs and fruit and walnut salad.  They are just a good example of somewhere in which we are all familiar.  If you don't know what a Happy Meal is, then welcome to your 1st day on the Internet.  There are no panties on Panties in a WOD.  The porn is just a few clicks away....hang in there, buddy.

But, I love it when people talk about this "new flash in the plan called CrossFit."  I hear it's the next Zumba.  :)

The magic of CrossFit is in the programming.  And, the community.  The movements are the basics.  The same ones that our Grandfathers used in basic training during World War II.  The same that our swat and tactical teams practice to stay in optimal shape.  I'm not saying that Seal Team 6 busted out 'Fran' before they took out Bin Laden, but I will bet my weight in lactic acid that they know how to do thrusters and pull-ups.

In a world that is already full of complications, why not keep it simple and stay with what works?  If you are tempted to stray and make things complicated, go ahead.  You'll be back.  Because when it all starts to fall to shit, we always return to the basics.

WORLD CLASS FITNESS IN 100 WORDS

"Eat meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. Keep intake to levels that will support exercise but not body fat. Practice and train major lifts: Deadlift, clean, squat, presses, C&J, and snatch. Similarly, master the basics of gymnastics: pull-ups, dips, rope climb, push-ups, sit-ups, presses to handstand, pirouettes, flips, splits, and holds. Bike, run, swim, row, etc, hard and fast. Five or six days per week mix these elements in as many combinations and patterns as creativity will allow. Routine is the enemy. Keep workouts short and intense. Regularly learn and play new sports."
~Greg Glassman

It puts the lotion in the basket......

I write to you with hemorrhoid cream on my hands.  Because, along with shoes and the Games Site, as a Crossfitter, I obsess about my hands.

Everyone who is competing in the Open will be obsessed with 'hand health' this fortnight.  Some industrious athlete out there is probably marketing a shirt that says "I survived 11.5 and 11.6 and all I got was this lousy flesh wound."  Toes to bar then chest to bar pull-ups?!?!?!?!?!  Let the posting of the bloody hand pictures begin now.....

I, BTW, have only posted one hand tear picture in the last 2 years.  It wasn't a bloody one.  Just a flapper skin tear.  Our daughter, who was 9 at the time, tore her hands on the new pull-up bars.  Mommy and me pic. below.......

And yet, we've never had a professional family portrait taken.

I do have an awesome 11.5 power clean bruise picture.

But, back to hands and the Open.

I'm an average Jane CrossFitter.  I'm competing in the Open with 1 goal in mind-I don't want to scale.  Plus, as you know from previous posts, I'm dating Crossfit-it's getting serious.  Third base serious.  I think that there are a lot of athletes in the Open who are competing for themselves.  I have an imaginary emotional Leaderboard and I'm in the top 5, so far.  Yay me!  Especially, because I have NEVER been able to do more than 6 or 7 toes to bar touches in a WOD.  I've always been scaled to 'attempts' and even then, success alluded me most of the time.

My first attempt of the WOD left me thrilled with my mediocrity-2 rounds, plus 5 power cleans and 8 toes to bar.  You have to understand that being able to touch those bars with my toes 28 times is big shit in my world.  Plus, since my epic score of 1 point in WOD 11.3, I had some issues with the thought of power cleaning 100lbs.  11.3 was 110lbs, and I only cleaned it once in the 5 minutes.  I did pr in how many times one can say "mother f-cker" and  "c-ck sucker" in a WOD.  It's on the whiteboard.  :) Since my Olympic Lifting Cert., I haven't had that problem.  The weight went up easily.  Thanks, Oly Cert. Crew!!!!!!

My second attempt of 11.5, I pr'd by 49 reps.  That's 4 rounds, and some change.  I almost doubled my score!  I beat Sir Charles!  I "chose the wrench" (see http://www.daiglebreathesfire.com/2010/12/choose-wrench.html) and then broke it off in 11.5's ass, cause that is how I roll.:) 
As CrossFitters, even average ones like myself(statistically speaking, of course ;) ), we forget how amazing it is.   What we accomplish in a WOD is more than the average person could do.  Your workout is our warm-up, as we say.   During attempt one, I said "I'm just happy to be healthy enough to CrossFit rx'd.  Every toes to bar after the 1st one is icing on the cupcake." And, I meant it.  But, if someone tapped me on the shoulder and said "Hey, were going to run 5 miles and then do deadlifts till we shit ourselves-for time." I could do it easily-and be like "Hell yeah!"  And, I could still go home and make dinner for my family.  It wouldn't be an epic day in my personal history.  It would be, like, a Wednesday.  We forget that the rest of the world does not do this.   I almost doubled my 11.5.  In the Crossfit world, 4+ rounds.....meh.  But in the regular world.....even on the 4+ rounds level, we are Forging Elite Fitness.  God, why isn't EVERYONE doing this?  All those years on the Stairmaster and with my 5lb. hand weights?  Not eating carbs or fats.  People are out there buying shoes that they think will make their ass look better by just walking around.  Taking pills mixed with baby elephant umbilical cord blood and whale semen, or whatever the fuck it is, to lose weight.  It's really fucking crazy out there, and it's like we are the only sane ones in the room.  We forget what it is like to be 'average fit'.  It's desperate and a little sad.  There's a great program out there, folks.  And, It's FREE!  Or, join an affiliate.  I could blow my monthly cost on CrossFit by just purchasing crappy food-easy.  Long rambling paragraph short, I loved 11.5!  I plan to do all the WOD's again in 6 months to mark my progress.

Wasn't I supposed to be talking about something else.......
Oh, right.  I have hemorrhoid cream on my fingers.
SO, before my 2nd attempt of 11.5, I noticed I still had blisters on my fingers from attempt one ......well, crap.  And it occurred to me that these little fluid filled menaces would be popping open during the WOD, so I put band aids on them and told them "Company's coming!"  I knew more blisters were in my near future.  After the WOD, I went to the drugstore and bought some extra-strength hemorrhoid cream and Epsom salt.  After the long, bubble bath with the Epsom salts(which draw out soreness and swelling), I put the cream on my hands.  And I've been doing that since Saturday.  My hands look pretty great!  Really, I thought, what is the difference?  This cream relieves pain, swelling and temporarily shrinks hemorrhoid tissue.  Your hand skin, let's hope, is much less sensitive that your ass.  What can it hurt?  So, I'm using it.  I need my hands to be in good shape.  I'm hoping for a chest to bar miracle.  Not since 11.1(fucking 11.1....) have I dreaded that 'scaled' box on the submission page.  Even with a band-A BAND- chest to bar screws me every time.  I have not tried them in about 2 months.  Let's hope they're easier for me this time-I've been working pretty hard.  Also, I've been watching some inspirational videos...

As we enter the last week of the Open, I encourage everyone to play hard.  Play fair.  Remember that 11.6 IS NOT FRAN, it's her just bitchy cousin from SoCal.  And, let your haters light a fire under your ass.  Want it more than the next guy. Think outside of the box(I'm rubbing butt cream on my hands, for cripes sake!) and rip this week a new one! 

How long will you CrossFit?

Suck it, Wahlberg.

I'm 39.  I've been CrossFitting for 2 years.  I wish I had started in my teens.  Once CFHQ gets all the glitches worked out of the Games site, perhaps they could start working on a time machine, so that we could make that happen.  OK?  Thanks.

 Of course, considering the general lack of appreciation I had of my younger, much less complicated body, my youthful impatience and my steady 90's diet of Zima, IHOP pancakes and Camel Light 100's, I probably wouldn't have done as well as I do now.

But, I've always been one of those people who has to learn stuff the hard way.  Like move your face out of the way and the bar won't hit it so much.  Or, really tear up the tendons in my fingers by hitting them on the box before I learned to get them the fuck out of the way on a box jump.  Stretch.  Then, stretch again.  Scale the weight and then with hard work and some time, go for the RX'd weight.  Failure today doesn't mean fail tomorrow.   Life has been a little like my view on country music:  You have to go through some shit before you can appreciate it.

How awesome are you?  Too awesome.

Look,  I'm not against Mr. Awesome here.  I get it.  And, he is super important too.  Notice the bluetooth-someone may be trying to reach him to say "Hey, those shirts are awesome-both of them." 

"Dude, I know.  Got the collars popped and the gun show locked and loaded.  POW!"

But, even when doing bicep curls(insert snicker here), it's dangerous for "your awesomeness" to be your focus in the gym.  You need to check Mr. or Miss Awesome at the door and walk in as Joe or Judy CrossFitter. 

But Nicole, you say, I'm not a giant fucktard.  Good.  One less thing.....

But what about your trainer?  Because I feel, and it's my blog and therefore my opinion, that your training is a big factor in how long you can CrossFit.

We are now finishing Week 4 of the Open and I'll admit it.....I'm all kinds of hot for CrossFit this week.  Thank you for the overhead squats, HQ!  Thank you for the tasty little videos and articles on the Games site.  I'm leaderboarding all the time.  Thanks Kevin Daigle for the phrase "Leaderboarding".  Now we have a term for our obsession. 

I saw a video on the site that really sucked for me to watch.  The athlete being judged did well.  That wasn't it.  It was the person in the background working with a weight that was WAY too much for them to handle.   Shit, it hurt my knees just watching it.  But, it was filmed at a Globo-Gym, not an affiliate.  An affiliate wouldn't allow that crap.

She had a 45# bar and 10# plates.  She was doing OHS.  She stumbled forward and backward, arms akimbo, at times.   Her knees were all over the place and she never even went parallel, let alone below the crease of the hip.  That episode of "Seinfeld" where Elaine dances....yeah, it was like that.

You know that box where it says "That doesn't seem right."  I wish THAT girl had a box to check.  But, she didn't.  The judge in the video was a trainer at the Globo-Gym, though.  How do I know this?  Well, besides from the occasional super-douchey chin pops of approval he gave the terrible overhead squatter, he just projected it.  You know the guy.  Back in the '90's, when I was Jazzercising off my Zima and pancakes, guys like this were wearing their do-rags and these pants:

And, they were praising Van Hagar. There is only ONE Van Halen.  One.  And, the lead singer is David Lee Roth.  Period.

This girl in the video, if she is dabbling in CrossFit, needs to find a trainer who cares about her health, form and someone who is willing to scale her to an appropriate weight.  She is gonna get hurt.  Her joints, muscles...everything! is at risk.  Her CrossFit career will be short-lived.  I wanted to give her a PVC pipe.  I wanted the trainer to do burpees till he learned to not be so irresponsible.  Trainers like this drastically shorten an athlete's window of opportunity to enjoy a sport.  Life is so short.

Hey, do I get excited when I have an athlete rock out lifts at a challenging weight ?  YES!  Does it make me feel great? YES!  YES!   But, that doesn't make me Queen Awesomesauce. 

Some trainers are like the asshole parents at Little League games.  Little Johnny hits a home run, so they think THEY'VE scored.  

How can you keep this from happening to you?  Well, first find a trainer that is willing to firmly but respectfully tell you "No." when you are going for a weight that you simply can't handle PROPERLY.  A good trainer will do that.  And, anyone that has ever spent some quality time squatting with a PVC pipe will tell you that you will still get "wicked sore" with that white plastic devil.  And, once you learn how to do it properly, then you can start going up in weight.

Generally, you won't have this problem with a CrossFit trainer at a registered affiliate.  A Level-1 at an affiliate has a lot riding on his or her reputation, including the good name of the affiliate.  Don't pay a trainer who isn't employed by an affiliate to train you in the CrossFit methodology.  They can train you for free, but to accept money for CrossFit training without being under the umbrella of a registered affiliate is against the trainer agreement that they signed and is basically piracy.  And, you deserve better than that.

There are a lot of garage gym and independent athletes out there rocking the open!  The garage gym is one of the solid pieces in the foundation of our community.  And, they turn out some top-notch CrossFitters!  Mikko Salo for one.  They get their direction and training from Mainsite and I applaud them.  CrossFit has one of the best free instructional video libraries around.  College students, moms, dads, grandparents......GRANDPARENTS!!!  Are you watching the Masters?  Holy crap!  You sure don't get there by trying to be Barry Big Balls on day 4.  These people have been training carefully and responsibly for years.  And with the current caliber of athletes that we are seeing, can you IMAGINE the Masters in about 10 years?!   A good athlete, who is properly trained in the fundamentals, can excel well into their 60's and older.  We're seeing it now.

So, enjoy!  Here comes Week 5......and I smell pull-ups on the horizon.  But please, for the love of all things good, take care of yourselves.  Dig in.  Fight for it.  Strive to be the best you have ever been.  DEMAND excellence from yourself.  And treat yourself and the program with respect.  Don't you deserve it?  Damn right, you do.  Go get 'em, Honey Badgers!

 

Yay Burpees!!!!!!!!!! or I'm dating CrossFit.

Me and Coach Mike Burgener-thank God he has a sense of humor.

I went this past weekend to an Olympic Lifting Certification.  How timely, as my week 3 Open WOD totally sucked.  I got a clean.  One.  No jerk.   I felt like an ass.

Now, I am strong.  I am.  But, my technique stunk that day.  Duh, you say.  You got one.  You can deadlift heavy.  You pull your ass up in pull-ups.  It was only 110#.  WTF, Nicole?

I had wished it was going to be overhead squats, back squats, front squats.  Squats, please.  Perhaps a row.  But, even when I read the WOD, I never thought that I couldn't do it.  Yes, it was pretty close to my one rep. max, but damn....

At least I didn't have to check the box for scaling.

Stay on the positive side, right?

Right.

Because that is how I chose to approach The Open.  Look, I knew going in that I wouldn't get in the top 60 in my region.  So, why not try to enjoy the WODs and use this time to remember why I love CrossFit in the first place?  So, I am dating CrossFit.

That's right.  Dating.  I will go for the worst pun ever and call it my "Open" relationship with CrossFit.  You see, I had settled into a routine.  I didn't want to try new things.  I read the WODs like a to-do list.  I went through the motions.   Some of the things that I used to find attractive about CrossFit were now getting on my nerves.  I just wanted to coach-Gosh, I love coaching-and that was kind of it.  If you were to compare the direction that I was going in to a bad marriage, I was leaning towards staying in it for the kids sake.  The kids being the coaching aspect.

Did I still love CrossFit?  Yes!  Holy smokes, YES!!!  I was just in a funk.  I studied so hard for my Level one Cert. and then ran my half-marathon a month later.  I had 'empty nest syndrome'.  Worse yet, I was starting to remind myself of the people who irritate me.   You know, like the people who post crap on Mainsite like "Why is Pat Sherwood wearing Reebok Zigs?  He wouldn't be allowed to lift at my Box in those." or "Why did HQ post THAT picture?  I'm so not jazzed..."  Forging Fitness for Elitists.  Yuck.

Here are some of the things I'm going to try.....

To not feel entitled.  Relationships are hard work.  New ones are fun to work on.  We never mind putting forth that extra effort when we are dating.  Example:  I'm not entitled for you to pay for the movie tickets.  It sure feels nice that you did, though.  I'll buy the snacks.  Good things come to those who put forth the effort.  I'm not entitled to a PR.  Or, some days, not even my previous 1 rep. max. is going to happen.  It happens to everyone.  Chillax.

Get a little dirty with it-.  DAMN, that WOD was fun-I'm talking to you, Week 2.  I'm sweaty, confused and a little nauseous.  Let's rest up and do it again! 

See things from more than the obvious perspective.  Then, rejoice in the differences.  In the beginning of a relationship, you brag about the differences. Later, they just piss you off.  Stop, and "enjoy the bacon".  So and so may box jump different than anyone else.  Or kettlebell swing like a fucking gorilla at the zoo.  But, no matter how different it is from yours, if the basic criteria is met then leave it alone.  I'm not saying that it is OK to worm a game standard push-up.  I'm just saying that everyone has a unique style.  And if the end result is legit, who am I to complain?  Angry gorillas throw poop, by the way. 

I'm also TRYING to remember to relax and see blessings in every situation.  And, to remember to have fun.  Mistakes happen-move on.  In the video below, I exclaim "Crap!" and cause some burpees at my Olympic Lifting Certification.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1677739748287

Now, if you know me, the hidden blessing is that I didn't drop the nuclear "F" Bomb.  I take the blessings where I see them, folks.  It was a great day. 

And mostly, to remember that love conquers all.  And the heart can move mountains.

At the end of the Certification, the astute Coach B. showed us a video of the 2008 Olympics.  Matthias Steiner won the Gold after losing his wife 13 months earlier.  The athlete before him reset incorrectly after the clean and jerk, and missed the lift.  Watching the consequences of a bad reset was valuable.  Yes.  But, I would like to think, since I am in that giddy, dating CrossFit mindset, that Coach B. showed us the video to remind us about heart. 

                     "I managed to lift it because I had this strong, innermost urge," said Steiner.

When you love someone or something, that love takes on a power of it's own.  You walk taller.  You can jump higher.  You want to make it proud of you, no matter where they may be.  You open yourself up and give life your honest effort.  You feel giddy when you wake up in the morning and you think about them  when you are away.  I've never wanted to see someone make a lift as much as I wanted to see him clean and jerk that 258kg.  And, I KNEW how the video ended!  Mr. Steiner has heart. 

So, I'm going to keep dating CrossFit.  We had our differences last week during WOD 3, but I'm looking forward to our date on Wednesday morning.  I'm going to put on my best Lulu, chalk up and have fun.

I may even put out, a little.:)

Happy Week 4, my fellow athletes!